The Queen

0444hrs, 26 Sept Sunday.

2010-09-26T01:35:00.002+08:00

Surprise to see my blog post starts jumping again?
I chanced upon your brother just now, i had serious palpitation. i thought of you. i thought of you everyday actually. i thought of every little bits of what i did for you, what we used to do. i chose all of the songs that's in my list playing right now. i feel so utterly depressed, but no one is here for me. in fact, i pushed everyone's helping hands away. i put up brave front in front of everyone, saying what you did, what happened to all of us over and over again. i tried scolding you bit by bit. but ultimately, what we both did and reacted, i didn't darkened the truth and facts. i am suicidal, i threatens, but who won't to a boyfriend who lies and won't listen. and i must admit, u had me on, you did a very good lying job before you did your final goodbye. 4 years of concentration on this relationship, so much so for a betrayal just like that. who to pity me at the very end of the day? you and candy are now close and together. marcus get over candy and chase after other girls. i'm still left here feeling sad bout us.

we are not meant to be, but we just happened. you were with someone, i'm with someone then. you're not really my kinda ideal partner, but i gave my all since i'm with you. i put in my 100%, i thought i'd yield 100% or more. you were really good back there, and i tried to accept your flaws, your behaviour. slowly, i lost my stand, maybe 80%, maybe 50% or give me a little something. but i can't see much of changes. i saw your few efforts, but i knw you've got a good potential of doing better. i'm not being unreasonable and high hope. but look at now what you can do for her and did for few others? i never really get those didn't i? i never regret when i'm with you, becoz i tried to make the best out of everyday, no matter how shit it was. i never knew getting into a relationship like that is just to head towards a huge set back. because i got to know you as someone not just from day to day physical meetup. i know you from your behaviour, little things that you did, and mainly from the songs you listened; i understands you from within. i really know the one that's inside you, from that shit character you appears to me. but you have already changed, you gave us up. tell me who will ever love you this way that i used to?

i taught you general knowledges, i gifted you your materialistic stuffs and things that you needed but couldn't get yourself. i helped you spent your lonely days and nights away, so long as the stars shine. you're all that matters to me, i gave my friends up, i gave my time away, i defied my family ended up locked outside house, i started cooking and sang without stage fright for you, i stayed up did crafts and all those sillys, i brought you to everywhere and enjoy fine food even if i ended up broke the next few weeks. you're once my bestfriend, confidant, movie and prawning kaki practically my all. who will do that for you? i didn't meant to fall for you just like that, it's every single thing that you did bit by bit that draws me.

you ripped everything away. now i'm left with nothing, i stood on my own. be it days ago your "im really sorry..." message to me meant it or not, or was it meant to someone else and sent to me by accident, i can't care anymore. it should never be just a sorry, it could never have been sorry either. and this entry bout you should never even be here. i'm very sick, just very sick of you texting me up from time to time to prick me with your presence. i'm not ready to meet you, far as i know that chancing upon ur bro already brought me palpitation; it pounds really hard and suppressing. i can't imagine if i were to see you or both u & her together. i'm not ready. and you should just disappear or never exist anywhere around. i hate you, i really do.

2010-09-11T18:16:00.002+08:00

I’m trying to rub off your scent now
I’m trying to forget your touch now
Why did you have to do this?
I can't believe you were that kind of guy after all...

I'm searching for a life now
I'm meeting friends now
It's clear that you lied
I'm a fool once again
I doubted it was true

Take all those promises
The petty habits, the small memories
I'm burning them
I'm putting you, who lives in me, to sleep
The image of me you've known so far won't exist anymore

In the club with him tonight
I'll give it my all,
just like you were down with that girl first
I'll love easily

See those splendid figures dancing, illuminated by the light
You place your hand on the waist of first girl you see
In the loud club, I call out louder for you
Seems like you can't hear or see anything

Tonight, I'll also forget you for a while
I'll remove all the pictures of you and me on my desk
I'm fed up, I want to get out of here
Why do I remember you over and over again? I’m not okay

Take all those promises
The petty habits, the small memories
I'm burning them
I'm putting you, who lives in me, to sleep
The image of me you've known so far won't exist anymore

When this night passes
I'll be left alone in my room
Shedding tears like a fool
Still seeing you in my dreams
I'm letting you go now
Don't come looking for me again

Be Without You

2010-07-25T04:31:00.004+08:00

deep down you knew what was true.

2010-05-14T00:47:00.000+08:00

There's a hundred reasons why I cry over you. But you're the reason why I keep fighting for you.
But soon, my reason is burning out.

the final msg.

2010-04-27T23:22:00.002+08:00

i think after all the experience and happenings, i suppose this is the ever last comfort and consolation i could ask of someone of 72. i think i can finally 安心的去了吧..

back and new environment.

2010-04-21T19:00:00.008+08:00

hey there everyone, i'm back from a year of disappearance. Throughout the year there's alot of happenings ard. i've been wanting to blog on-off, wanna rant it out, wanna confide. but i cant seems to type it out here for this blog is almost as good as dead. people might not even stop by and see what you have to say and bother. i'm just a plain-jane, just another role in ppl's life without a hype, easily forgotten and passed off as a friend or some stranger.

yeah, i broke off. got into another relationship and another another, another another another. and back to paul again. throughout this year, what i can say, this is a stormy relationship. but now, it's at it's calming stage. i dunno when will there be another coming. i hope not.

i've been working night and day as a nurse. i fell. had a downfall. made lotsa mistakes. learnt. picked on. and continue working again. got picked on. stood strong but cried in my bed silently. my drive to work isn't the income, isn't those so-called colleagues i could talk easily with, but its the patients. they make me feel like coming to work more, some knew about my complaints, popped me great treats. i brought in return my genuine smile and sincerity. it's the patients who needs me more than my colleagues fakey pleas & requests. i may have generalized too much of everyone in the ward, but i've a few to thanks & feel grateful about. their cheering and concerns, i appreciated alot. they'll know who they are. despite all the mistakes & pick-ons, the more they wanna bring me down, the more i'll strive to stand strong and persist. i wun cry, wun tear, i'll just listen & say whatever i could to fend myself. i'll only need comfort behind closed doors. that's how i've made it till now. =)

a handful admired that i'm strong, some said i'm just thick-skulled, i'd say all you people need is just a pair of ears, not my mouth to explain. i needed just your eyes to see the truth & my effort.

i've been sent to AH Ward 5 now. greatly with thanks to one of the 3-yrs old, i've became the replacement of her to get here. boring discipline, boring patients, boring regimens. if not why would i be blogging here, fbooking there. without have to say, she just finds it too convenient to use her degree as the excuse to stress the nurse manager. i became the easiest scapegoat to aim at next. seriously, i'm barely 1-yr-old when they ask me to go, BARELY 3 WEEKS to start work there later. tsk tsk tsk.. i felt simply it's because she doesn't wanna leave the comfort zone, she seems to enjoy abusing her power and threw her authority at us just becoz she have got that experience and few megre knowledges.

now, i'm stuck with this boring ward. *grumble fumble*

this is how free i am editing my photos now

2009-04-18T13:18:00.002+08:00

✿♡安靜了♡✿

2009-04-01T22:18:00.002+08:00

boyfriend and girlfriend in names. nothing but an empty shell.

He cares for? All kinda late night games only to come back 5am in the morning, smoking, late night fishing but gave himself all kinda reasons to not to bring me. I am worrying, i am sleepless, i am feverish. he doesn't bother. doesnt make him look back and assure me totally.

2009-03-04T17:24:00.002+08:00

Katy Perry - Thinking of You

Comparisons are easily done, once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree, I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed

You said move on, where do I go
I guess second best, is all I will know.

Cause when I'm with him, I am thinking of you
Thinking of you, what you would do if
You were the one, who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer, in the middle of winter
Like a hard candy with a surprise center
How do I get better once I've had the best
You said there's tons of fish in the water
So the water's I will test

He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself

Cause when I'm with him, I am thinking of you
Thinking of you, what you would do if
You were the one who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I was looking into your...

You're the best and yes I do regret
How I could let myself let you go
Now the lesson's learnt, I touched it I was burnt
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
Thinking of you, what you would do if
You were the one who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through and bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...

This isn't just lyrics this simple. if only, if only...

2009-01-24T05:15:00.000+08:00

My trembling hands held myself near tonight.
I thought i could still hear your soft warm whispers in my ear
You said you always love me
And we'd always be together
Promised me your love would last forever.

Is forever longer than always?
It seemed you're more like gone from me now
In my mind I can't find the reason why you didn't stay
Unless forever is longer than always.

in the night like this, when you're lying behind me.
in the night like this, i might be in someone's arm.
lying back to u.
it's not to spike you, maybe such karma may come sooner if u lie further.

miss samsung

2009-01-18T02:15:00.001+08:00

i just checked the result..

and..............................................

wakao eh... kanasai...

2009-01-14T19:30:00.002+08:00

KNS... waste the place only loh... should have put me in.. *angry*

i admitted defeat to Miss November la.. the rest... CMI..

2008-12-04T19:23:00.002+08:00

maybe i could have save that patient if i really learn more resuscitation stuffs.

early detection of signs of internal bleeding may have save her..

i felt empty when she died.

2008-11-27T15:45:00.002+08:00

My Fortune Tellin` for today.

You Should Know Who You Are, Boy.

Have A Great Day. *smile*
=)

F480

2008-11-23T23:32:00.004+08:00

BANZAII Daddy bravo!

All heels to F480 Goldie!

So happy right now.

=)))))

2008-11-20T00:07:00.001+08:00

ALETHIA! i found HOPE in facebook.. wahahahaha...

2008-11-14T01:15:00.003+08:00

New way to die.. hmm.. what else is there.. SINGAPORE: A Malaysian contract worker died after being attacked by three white tigers at the Singapore Zoo on Thursday.

The worker has been identified as Nordin Bin Montong. Zoo officials said the 32—year—old had jumped into a moat at the white tiger enclave and was subsequently mauled to death by the white tigers.

Police said they received a report at 12.30pm about a man sustaining neck injuries at the zoo. Paramedics were called to the scene and Nordin was pronounced dead at 12.45pm.

Biswajit Guha, assistant director, Singapore Zoo, said: "Prior to the incident, the zookeepers had actually noticed that the contract worker was behaving erratically.

"He was throwing things around and as he was walking out of the zoo, he passed comments like ’Goodbye, you won’t see me again’. He later cycled back and 5 minutes later, the alarm went off."

Nordin had jumped off the ledge into the water and once he was inside the enclave, the three white tigers mauled him for five to ten minutes, while 20 zookeepers tried desperately to save him by distracting the animals.

They were too late, as were the two licensed rifle shooters who were called to the scene.

As a precautionary measure, the white tiger exhibit has been temporarily closed and the 9—year—old tigers, which came from Indonesia, are in confinement for now.

Zoo officials said once the police finish their investigations, they would examine if there is a need to further enhance safety measures.

Singapore Zoo added that it is natural for tigers to pounce on any prey and there is no reason to sedate the animals.

highlité

2008-11-11T21:28:00.003+08:00

eLy & her Hightlité..

few golden extensions actually. ;P

rantings

2008-11-04T19:44:00.002+08:00

i find my blog so the not buzzing at all. coz i don't have a stupid camera to get me snap here there to share with everyone around. and i hate getting pictures from people neverendingly, chasing them.. zZzZz.. another thing is i found myself losing interest in lotsa things. be it SHOPPING(yes.. girls like tt..) but nothing seemed to get me into it.. rarely i'd start to take out those pathetic big bucks and spree like no end. i seemed to have lose interest in tt. hOw LaH~~~~!

eat.. i also try not to spend a penny. unless with hunnie.

ahh yes.. where do i get the $$ from.. i got sponsored by SGH just a month ago. i sold my soul to the hospital for two freaking years.. i regret a lil though.. i dunno what else to say now.. just wanna grumble and rant my thoughts here.. to let everyone know tt i'm still ok, not dead.. see u again.. sighz..

2008-11-03T20:08:00.001+08:00

WENDY DARLING~! i've grown hair over a fortnight!
hahahaha..

happy 32

2008-10-24T14:11:00.000+08:00

Celebrating 32months of anniversary.

Happy Anniversary.

if i were a boy

2008-10-23T00:25:00.000+08:00

If I Were A Boy.

the front part was what beyonce's been thinking.. and how will the guy felt if he's in her shoe.. towards the end, it featured the reality.. the actual think that is happening.. =)

Free Song Lyrics | If I Were A Boy lyrics

in this song, i think it best describe how i wish i could cruelly do it back to you.
i could only think. back to reality, everything's opposite..

Eve.

2008-10-21T01:14:00.000+08:00

Eve, goodbye my darling.
mummy always love you. love the way you always come up to me and kiss me.
love the way you keep hanging onto the metal cage whenever i see you, or whenever i was abt to go out.
you're the prettiest lil girl i ever seen.
i'm sorry for your death. i caused it.
it has been a good 9 months.
but it seemed that we've known each other for so long.
you're ever the first darling that gave birth to so many wonders. i may be busy and neglect you at times, but i know you never give up hope on my next visit.
Adam's gone. so are you.
i missed both of you so much that the rest of your children can't take your place. my dearest.. mummy miss you and love you, do take care, sweetie.

forgive me.

2008-10-18T10:02:00.005+08:00

forgive me.

cheena hair.

2008-10-17T23:49:00.001+08:00

New Cheena-doll hair..

very very cheena..

Damaged

2008-10-12T02:04:00.005+08:00

Damaged (Danity Kane)

do, do you got a first aid kit handy?
do, do you know how to patch up a wound, tell me
are, are, are you, are you patient, understanding?
cuz i might need some time to clear the hole in my Y and i
i tried every remedy and nothing seems to work for me
baby, this situation's driving me crazy
and i really want to be your lady

but the one before you left me so
damaged, damaged,
i thought that i should let you know
that my Y is
damaged, so damaged
and you can blame the one before
so how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?
how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?[baby, i gotta know]
how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?[what are you gonna do baby]
how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?[baby i gotta know, what are you gonna do]

do, do you got a first aid kit handy?
do, do you know how to patch up a wound tell me,
are, are, are you, are you patient, understanding,
cuz i might need some time to clear the hole on my heart and i
you try to gain my trust, talking is not enough
actions speak louder than words
you gotta show us something
my Y is missing some pieces
i need this puzzle put together again

damaged, damaged
i thought that i should let you know, that my Y is
damaged, so damaged
and you can blame the one before
so how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?[yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah]
how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?[baby you gotta know]

how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?[what are you gonna do]
how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?[baby you gotta know]
[what are you gonna do]

can you fix my H-E-A-R-T?[tell me can you fix my heart]
cuz it's D-A-M-A-G-E-D [don't you know it's damaged]
can you fix my H-E-A-R-T?
tell me are you up for the challenge?

cuz my Y is
damaged, damaged
i thought that i should let you know, that my Y is
damaged, so damaged [don't you know my Y is damaged]
and you can blame the one before [you can blame the one before yeah]
damaged, damaged [oh i'm so damaged]
i thought that i should let you know, that my Y is [thought i should let you know]
damaged, so damaged [oh, oh]
and you can blame the one before
so how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?
how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?[it's that type of pain]
how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?[that you feel deep inside]
how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it? [it's that type of pain that]
how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?[makes you pray, makes you cry]

my Y is damaged, damaged, damaged [but it's going to be alright one day]
my Y is damaged, damaged, damaged
my Y is damaged, damaged, damaged [this too shall pass]
my Y is damaged, damaged, damaged

view in encoding Unicode UTF8

Prince & Pauper

2008-10-12T00:19:00.001+08:00

it's hard when there's a Pauper & a Prince to choose from.

i ain't trying to be some naive kiddies out there.. Prince here & there.. i meant his haughty & egoistic character that only took me for granted.
Pauper may not have anything, may be broken, but he does treasure what he has alot.

but i could only stay still, i don't dare to move a bit.

to my culprit.

2008-10-11T09:16:00.001+08:00

Culprit, bring my smile back.

bring my happiness back to me again.

grOoOovy..

2008-10-10T00:05:00.003+08:00

i found this on my daddy's phone..for ur entertainment. taken when i'm still 19th.. lol..

2008-10-09T23:16:00.002+08:00

my blog is getting stale, stagnant, spiderwebs, rusty.. whichever you may call it.. i'm sorry people if my blog are not tt well maintained..

BECAUSE OF BIG GOD DAMN REASONS.. LOtS!

let me update u guys..

I just finished a 6 WEEKS attachment.
Been sunking myself in depression everyday; no one wheeled me to a counsellor.
had TWO BLOODY FEVER within a week (last wed & this tues).

my attachment: i've got along well with everyone.. i'm back to ward 53c and 72.

i love 53c's setting.. hope i'd be posted there for coming PRCP(3-4 months of very impt attachment). i'm good with everyone there.

ward 72; i got one word.. BLOODY HELL. ok.. impressively, i survived. we can't do much thing ther, coz it's too specialize in blood related discipline. you know, blood cancer, leukemia, blood disorder.. don't ask me whether is there any catch or not, coz everyone is warded for a reason. lucky enough, all my patients are females and they are exceptionally good with me only when coming to the last week of posting.. had not been for alethia, dhania and jiamin around i guess i'll be eaten up not by staff nurses BUT! that very infamous Jacintha David and Reshmah. that two f-ing bitch born in the year of dog. damn bitchy. make my blood boil only. *grrr* the staff nurses are busy with all their things and could only give us very minimal a& lite job task.. it's not work until very tired, it's too free until we're tt tired. the Nurse Manager - DAMN ON, man... jiamin knows why.. haha..

Depressed: the usual reason with the usual culprit.

FEVERSSSSSsss: i wanna say.. i'm damn scared during the period of my fevers.. that dizzy, headache, nausea, weak and helpless feelings.. i hope that someone would be there for me. he cannot come out tt day. however, on the night itself he could actually come and text me up tt he's going out with friends to volley tml. of all, instead of coming straight for me, to wanna take care of me or bother to visit me for the next day. he chose ENTERTAINMENT AND FUN out there. i'm feeling terrible deep down, inside out. i really dunno what to say. what angered & upset me more is tt, he further tell me about kbox after his volley. where i thought he'd learnt and remedized by looking me up after his freak ball games. the 2nd fever isn't high fever as the 1st, he nv did come though he got good 1hr and a half to get to my place from lot 1, with a slow-eating MacDonald meal pace that is good enough to fit in. he never came only till next day. i really hope someone could give me a good word to explain that hopelessness and feeling i had inside me then.

now.. i'm suspecting i got gastric problems. the kinda pain i dunno how to explain at stomach. it not totally those kinda "AIYO~ AIYO~ I'M DYING...!!" that kinda.. it's tolerable, but weird, but annoying.. for 2days already.. i'm dying soon.. i don't wish to live long anyway..

2008-10-08T21:53:00.000+08:00

oh ya one more thing.. j0r...

TAAAADDAAAHHH~!!!(what a big picture! >.<)

She's my AUNT! she's the Champ. that's Yuki.. lol..
basically.. i drop my jaw when she won.. i thought it'd be Freda or Vincent..
to think the night before i watch it, i post tt entry saying tt i dun think she'd win.. oops! heh.. dun tell her.. if not i'll be grab from the neck and stab like one toy bunny by her.. lol..

one last thing.. Sam that main chef/ judge right.. he got buttocks one leh.. very round but to me is very gross.. i like guys without butt..

f1

2008-09-28T14:43:00.000+08:00

what could everyone think about if i tell you that i and pauL(i really dunno what to call u or us anymore..) are in a room with beds, with air-con and sensual music playing.. both of us lying down, with me considering half-naked in there.. and i tell you, my "first time" is gone like that..

haha.. it's nothing lah... i went for facial for the very FIRST TIME(i forever got alot of first time here and there). can u believe it? i don't like the feeling of letting people meddling with my face or washing my hair in salon though many might say that it's very shiok, very relaxing blah blah blah.. blah blah blah.. very uneasy and ticklish feeling for me.. firstly, thanks to that fella.. i experienced the first face care.. there isn't much difference though.. ok lah.. my face a lil that tad bit smoother.. but i spent another sum on my panda eyes with no apparent difference.. well, but i'm proud to say that we manage to stay firm from a series of "promotions" here there, despite her sticky pestering effort..

had lunch; that cheating bak chor mee with only ONE piece of CHEATER abalone.

prawning time! at khatib. i caught one pathetic prawn and one medium fish. damn.. he set it free after that.. coz i've tough luck in prawning ytd. not on form, you see.. then i put rod at fish's pond i got it leh~ he caught three prawnies. *30 bucks fly away*. after that had steamboat dinner at Queen St. with his dad and younger brother. ate alot of cow's stomach and mutton slices, soup base is nice. with irritating F1 zooming off across the other street.. damn annoying lah..

went F1 track, but the race will only start an hour later.. didn't get to see Lewis Hamilton *love!* zooming by.. went home alone after that.. i did saw Sam Leong! that chef in teevee.. my aunt is inside that cooking show.. one of the female contestant loh.. but i doubt she won.. *sticking out tongue* not trying to bring her down.. but if she won, it'd already be pass around my band of family.. dunno la! see tomorrow's finals loh.. the teevee not showing live anyway..

2008-09-24T23:08:00.000+08:00

31st anniversary's rose.
try taking it in a few angle until i captured a nice shot. not tt artistic but to me its already some standard already ok. YOU. YOU. YOU. YOU, YOU, YOU ALL HUH!!! better buy me a camera as pressie.. tsk.. i got no digi camera kae.. it's difficult for me to catch hold of cameras with goody visual functions.. damn...

2008-09-13T14:24:00.001+08:00

people.
i don't mean to disappear like that.. it's just that i'm going thru attachment, and lotsa unhappy things happens to me at one go.. that's something that dreadfully bad..
my 2 pairs of little ones gave birth to a total of 8 babies. but sadly i've only 4 with me now.. they passed on.. yea.. my "papa" passed on too.. and YOU, you left me just in the times i'm grieving and busy on a whole lot of things, when i'm stressing up and fretting over your persistence in not letting go of others, having flings behind me. among all, you hurt me the most.
i'm depressive everyday, and tell me. who would wait a whole hour for you, hoping a familiar silhoulette would come and pick me up, although i knew you'd never come.
tell me, why would i teared every night when you fail to show up? when what you did, you never felt the rights to care for me more nor did you understand how hurt i am, but to go out late at night to have your fun. my heart is failing me, soon i may follow the steps of cardiac arrest as that dearest "papa" of mine. and i'm losing hairs everyday; more than you could imagine. everyone left, when i'm having these depressive episodes, what good is some bf like you?

if back then, you are talking about starting over and be just what we used to be. i don't think our relationship earlier on, comes with those girls, comes with you texting girls behind me, shielding them instead of me. i don't think that's what we used to have. if that is call that you want me back, you'd have long delete them to prevent us from quarrelling further, since they are always the topics that's between us.

how many of you have really seen the real me when i've put down my mask?

everytime i closed my eyes, it's burning me intensely. it felt as though i've not been closing my eyes for long. then they started to tear, with me trying to look elsewhere to prevent them from falling. and i could only see you having fun out and late at night. you never felt a thing, neither do you felt hurt or sad about it. or in fact, when have you?

i could still be waiting for you to pick me up, right at this time, you know? ="(

ahgao papa

2008-09-13T11:30:00.001+08:00

my dearest nanny's husband, whom i dearly called "papa", passed on. 28th Aug, when i was quarreling with pauL late that night. i still can't remember how much he has done for me, everything's so vague. my daddy told me how doting he was, while sending me home, i'd persistently go for those 2ocents kiddy rides along the whole stretch of shophouses. normally, an adult wouldn't have such kinda patience. moreover, he and me isn't blood-related at all, i'm just someone to have him paid to look after, why would he bother to spend on me?
my nanny cried when she saw me, saying there's no more him, there's no more, he wun be around anymore; i held back my tears. she also mentioned how much he cares for me just like a daddy and his lil girl. it's just so painful when i've no recollection at all.
i only remember me hiding whenever my dad come over to pick me up, pretending to be asleep, wishing he'd come only tomorrow. cried whenever my plan foiled and dragged home. i love spending my times there alot alot; with my childhood friend as well.
i remember me sneakily run to the kitchen and play with lil fishes he caught and played with them till they died, squashed them, threw them.. i know i'm a mean lil bratz.
years back, after i moved. i did went back to find them. at one glance, the house is near empty, setting is somewhat still there, but no one's in the house. disappointed about the fact that they could have moved, i set for home. along my way in the shophouses, i saw a familiar face but i wasn't sure if it's him or not, he was talking with his friends, i didn't manage to pick up the courage to come up to him; so afraid that i might get the wrong person. i missed the reunion with him in the end.

i've alot to regret and cry about. i'm sorry that i didn't come up to you when you're alive and well. i'm sorry that i could only come up to you when you're behind that glass pane. i'm sorry that everything's way too late, and i've been too held up. it really hurts and pains me everytime i think of you. thank you for your care, for your patience and for your love. it serves me right to lose you and not remembering what you have done for me. you'll hold a big place in my heart, and i promise, this time i won't forget you anymore.

ndp

2008-08-09T18:15:00.001+08:00

this was last year's NDP celebration.
happy couple it was.then this is this year's. it appears nothing seemed to change.
but it was not.

2008-08-08T22:09:00.000+08:00

so called last day of school @ Alumni.

My Dear Classmates =)

Absent were Theinesh, Bazilah and Ash. tsktsktsk..

new you.

2008-08-08T13:29:00.002+08:00

there such a drastic change, that i dunno how to react to it.
it's definitely not change for the better.
but more like the starting line to the coming situation i might not be able to handle, near future.
i don't know what to do okae..
i can only stay aside and get scared.

hunnie bdae

2008-07-28T23:44:00.000+08:00

Happie Birthday Hunnie dearest!!

2008-07-27T23:18:00.000+08:00

My boy is turning 20.. and yikes.. time did passed really fast.. knew him like when he's 17? now's freaking 20 sounded so old.. wasn't really much prepared for this turning 20-yr-old phases.. it feels as if i'm still 18 yrs old.. oh well.. both of us are 2os now.. i just dunno what would be installed for us over coming decade we gotta have. well.. just hope it'd be a smooth sailing one.. i'll be working like one busy shit nurse.. he'd be studying with guys and pretty babes around his so called SIM.. which i don't think most girls went there for the sake of plain studying you know.. it's more like showcasing of their fashion (nope.. nothing about talents), flaunting their richie status, and acting bimbo around. i've been in NP & SIM compound simultaneously for 3 yrs. i know how to see.. well, push those bimbos aside. there's not really a total crate of rotten apples. i did see nerdies and really strive to work hard people around. oh well.. let's hope he wun be hooking up some pests around then.

29th month anniversary

2008-07-24T09:54:00.001+08:00

Breathless

2008-07-24T09:00:00.000+08:00

♫ ♫ ♪♥..U leave me breathless...♫ ♫ ♪♥
You're everything good in my life
U.. leave me breathless... ♪♥
I still can't believe that you're mine
U just walked out of one of my dreams..♫ ♫ ♪♥
So beautiful you're leaving me... ♪♥
♫ ♫ ♪♥ ..Breathless...♫ ♫ ♪♥

i may not have tell you. this song somehow brings me back to those days we used to shared. and i do treasure that alot.. trying desperately to find it back.. i was very secured back then, a very cheery and happy girl i am.. that kinda feeling i really missed.. reminds everything of you and the exact feeling i portray and tryna tell you.. so i guess this song has finally come and speak my heart. =)

oh well.. on a lighter note, this singer.. shayne ward.. i've been crazy over him for like.. months(not even a bit dread).. starting from this song.. that voice, captured and mesmerized me hardcore.. and when i see this mtv... wOoOoOo..................... i fell deeper into this heart-racing thingy with swirl.. @.@

sexy guy with beautiful green eyes and captivating voice.. heaven~ wOohOo!!

yes, i'm breathless..

empty vessel

2008-07-22T09:23:00.002+08:00

Nothing but an empty vessel right now.

define my feeling.

2008-07-21T17:40:00.000+08:00

"True Love does not come by finding the perfect person,

but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."

all while i've tried to do it, and to believe that you are perfect. not for anyone but for me. the ever first impression of you, you have to maintain much as you could. not just slacken down when you've got me. Often deep down you know there's greener grasses on the other side, but you never felt the threat. but instead, try pushing me to anyone.

why couldn't you feel that what you held in your hand is precious & fragile?

post bdae

2008-07-11T16:39:00.002+08:00

dear peepos..

i wanna say thank you to those who bother to wait for the clock to strike twelve & greeted this small role in your life. and those who surprised me with your sms, never have thought you would. those who give me all sorts of extravagant sms(s), who called in for concerns & willing to lend a listening ears. asking me out for a meal. days earlier or a day late greetings, it's still implies that you people cares. those who made a simple sms different. those who greeted me face to face, hugs, firm handshakes, BIG birthday song, "unique candle". i love it all.

i don't know how some of you remember, be it thru friendster, blog, facebook, friends, draw a big circle in your calender, create an alert on your phone, really remember it, tattoo on your skin. i am thankful for that effort. you all have in a way been value-added in my heart as friends i must keep.

Lastly, thank you hunnie. you are my dearest sweetheart i ever had. though it may be one of the not-so-happy birthday i had. still i must thank you all these years for standing by me as the biggest pressie. thank you for that lovely lil pearl pendant that you knew i am dying to have one. if not it wun have been of the almost the same kinda design i wore on my day(telepathy). I Love You, Hunnie! *huGgs & smooches*

these are all the belovables lovelies..
Hunnie (Mr Paul Chew TY)
Leona
Joreen (JG)
Eugene
Anna
Suraj (Mandy)
KokSeng
DaJie
Taz
Meena
YingYing
Asheta
SiokKuan
Alethia
Esther
Meijie
Hmone (Momo)
Leonice
Azri
Theinesh
Grace Cham
Joyce
Pambi
Penguin
Edwin
ChinSiang
the lady who scouted me for modelling(thanks, i finally met someone who shares the same bdae as i do.)
YongHong
Sharon de Silva
Andre
Crispen
Huan Jian
ZiChee
Wendy
Jehan

(in the order of sequence)

the birthday girl

2008-07-10T14:48:00.004+08:00

Part I.
my birthday.. tsk.. i do not know how to say..
i got drunk a day before my birthday.. anyone knows it?
not even hunnie.
when people thought i've left early from school to meet him up for a lil pre-celebration so called.
apparently quite disappointing, i binged in 1 bottle of coke and 2 Baron's Strong Brew Extra. knock-out.
no one understand the situation i'm in.
right to my room, and i slammed my head onto my bed for warmth & comfort.
i held onto my phone and hope the moment i open up my eyes, it's him who come for me.
a little special sms, or even a call when it striked twelve.
2.38am. i woke up to my message alert.
it's eugene 12.15am. anna dear 12.19am. suraj 12.35am. no calls.
i slept with a sunken heart.
6.11am he messaged. a very simple "Happy 20th Birthday, Hunny."
this is all i got. something which i can even do better than that.
KokSeng, DaJie, Pambi, Penguin, Edwin, Andre, HuanJian & a few sms follows later after.
not to forget ChinSiang & YongHong's call-in. (already the very least expected people)
to school then went out with him.
the day ends off with his birthday sms.

"Happy bithday to you. Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to eLy, happy birthday to you.
Happy Birthday girl. Enjoy your 20th birthday."

then zc, wendy, then jehan.

is that my birthday which just zoomed by?

i really hate my birthday this year.

the birthday girl 2

2008-07-10T13:39:00.004+08:00

Part II
while in school before meetup with him, taz give me a very big warmth hug right when she see me. then meena, yingying and SK's greetings. alethia sang a very big birthday song that ends up everyone singing it at lift floorings. waited for 2nd lift as the 1st are packed with other people.. apparently they looked very shocked when the moment the lift opened and we are singing birthday song.. the song goes on and on in repetition with a faster singing each time. blushed & touched though.

More than half the tutorial grp, over at Alumni House. and taz asked me a qn about the new Magnum icecream's flavour & whether have i tried it not... blah blah blah.. after finishing our lunch, my indian husband theinesh and azri walked in with a brownie topped with icecream flavour i preferred(thanks to my impish taz). all the way from megabites(435987426169 metres). everyone sang the nicest birthday song, tagging along are some extras over at tables nearby. it's been a very long time so many people sang it to me. sweetest cake & very "unique" candle huh, azri? an inexplicable happiness & very moved by what they've done.

headed back to school for project filming, tag along for the sake of burning my time for the meetup at 3pm with him @Marina Sq. was scouted by modelling company (like again..). i reached early by 15minutes. but ended up suffering 15minutes more when he eventually meet me up 5pm. at that point of time, i feel like corporating with bomb specialist & blow myself up in as minced & bloody as i could. tell me how not to be angry?? worst, he don't even say a sorry.

to Pariss, chose white wine & settled down at a very quiet corner with food galore. he presented me a limited piece of pearl necklace(i don't like diamonds like what most girls do, i love pearl). much similar to the one i'm wearing from yesterday's shopping kills i bought. quite dumbfounded but not that surprised as i wanted one, centuries ago. but i do appreciate that he remembers & FINALLY(after 28months) give me a necklace. BUT! does anyone believe 8hrs out there the day before & getting late for hours before meeting the birthday girl up with a pearl necklace? i think it can be up next for 'Incredible Tales'.

unglam eating thereafter. and he got whoozy a little.. blabbering alot of things. alot of things to talk, bout this bout that.. didn't see him like that before.. & he sent me home, right to my doorsteps. i'm not exactly that esctatic, on the whole i feel alright, suppressing that sadder side of me. but i really dislike this year's birthday.

next year, it's 21st. something that really holds alot of hope on. be it the beginning of another stage of my life(adulthood), key to hardcore freedom, R21. the very significant year. i just want it to be alot better than this mess this year. something that i never had before. i need to feel that "it's the bestest birthday ever" feeling. do come back to this entry next year. and see what's fufilled & a least disappointed girl i am.

eLy

signed off..

you are my nightmare.

2008-07-08T10:55:00.000+08:00

yesterday.. i found myself stained in blood.. the feeling of blood dripping down.. a part of me, but no longer mine.. devastated & crying.. it's not the site that hurt.. but rather my heart.. next.. i'm cleaning the scene.. to just make sure no one knows or found what happened to me.. at that point of time, i really wish my whole room will be flooded with my blood..

& i woke up 2.35am.. my surrounding is dark and quiet.. there's no blood around, i wasn't cleaning anything but holding onto my bloster.. it felt as if i've slept a very long time.. thinking back, i really do not know what's with me.. the blood and suicide sttempt.. i hope someone can decode this dream/nightmare of mine..

dave teo ming

2008-07-08T08:12:00.000+08:00

Dave Teo gets 9 years jail term & 18 strokes of cane.

and yeap.. this guy is going jail.. he's on the news everywhere today.. somehow when everyone is saying that he deserved it & all.. i kinda feel sorry for him. my sympathy.. he may have committed a grave mistake for intending to kill his girlfriend, and the sentences to jail him is rather appropriate.. but the caning part came a little bit too harsh.. a teenager to bear 18 strokes.. it gonna hurt alot.. both physically and mentally.. the lost of best years of his life he could have, the lost of his freedom, the lost of his love, the lost of everything.. from the papers, i learnt of his past.. his poor brother (his nearest kin) whom he lost years back.. his heavy gambler mother who would often hit them whenever she lost money, father who's kept behind bars as well, for drugtrafficking.. & grandma who died not long after his arrest last year.. it isn't easy for a 20yrs old like me to go thru all these if i am dave myself.. a very complicated family..

now he's gonna go in there.. an even sadded things to have.. just because of this girl..

Crystal(Thank god i didn't chose this name 10yrs ago..) Liew, the ex-girlfriend of his broke up with him 5 months back.. suggested the breakup though she said it pains her to initiate coz dave had been VERY RESTRICTING towards her getting together with her circle of friends and guys around her.. ABUSIVE verbally and physically too, i heard.. i mean.. true lahh.. if i'm in her shoe i'd have that breaking up idea too.. but to part a 3 years ++ relationship from boyfriend to another ~~guy~~ girl, sound very ridiculous.. of coz dave fused into this madness.. aiiyahh.. whatever the case.. i read [here] & [here] and found that i've got this Crystal Liew's syndrome.. alot of similarity here there.. but let's just hope that my name won't surface in headlines like that.. tsk....

poor fella.. dave, hope you're not gonna spiral down into trouble further.. this is a valuable lesson to take.. do make yourself a better person in there. everything can be started afresh.. do not let your family, or relatives down.. nor do you let the Justice Tay's hope on you be diminished.. less than a decade later, you can still continue your steps from there.. things are never to late to start from inside jail. good luck. =)

ps: i don't know him at all..

{Crystal Liew}
{Kervon Lim} -> Crystal's Lesbo gf

i hate my birthday..

2008-07-03T19:28:00.002+08:00

suddenly.. i felt time passed a hell lot fast.. i thought my day was just few months ago.. shit man...

and i've alot of things i want very suddenly.. and i kept expecting things every year, but always in dismay.. no one's to blame, coz i never tell anyone.. yeap! don't bother about this entry.. it's very random and rubbishy..

and shit my birthday.. projects, assignments and whatever.. school is out to play me out.. sighz...

wildwildwet

2008-06-30T10:31:00.004+08:00

After his driving lesson, i was late for the meetup at cck. he waited patiently enough for me, well of coz.. with his psp.. so time doesn't make a difference for the waiting passed quickly.. sweet enough for him to buy 4 pancakes and our fav tau hway for me.. but it's too sweet.. that i end up throwing temper... haha.. diabetic leh.. and he keep stuffing it to me though i had a mouthful inside.. why would i not be angry.. >=(

Went Wild Wild Wet(credits to AuntyJulia) with hunnie, AuntyJulia(His Mum), his two brothers & his lil sis together. have got no picture.. but i wish i could tell everyone what an enjoyable day i had.

didn't get to swim with that lil princess.. coz she already swam hours before us.. got changed and off i went to play with hunnie, John & Ben... the trio is always up to no good.. likes to topple my float & disturb me.. and someone hor in particular.. did the same prank to me, and i knock my head... @#$!%&*

at the slides area, got one in charge is so irritating.. he likes to disturb pple(especially girls!) with the pole filled with water.. pour on pple's head or kick the water at those who's queuing for the slides.. tamade.. in the end me and the Chews' came up with the plot for revenge.. haha.. he appeared damn pissed when we succeed.. ahaha... at that U shape slide, i partner up with hunnie.. and there we goes~ if i really can tape the slow motion of hunnie's face, i can really earned big $ for producing laughing gags.. oh my god.. he looked so.. erm... haha.. and shouted sucha big "FUCK YOU!".. while me on the other hand, john & ben said that i'm grinning & laughing.. though my place is the scariest.. i'm facing back..

to the wave pool, and back to take towels for shower.. apparently there's some ppl looking down and pointing at me to tell his friend abt me that makes hunnie pissed.. i dunno what really was it that made him so fiery.. john got influenced too.. tsk... they bodyguarded me till my shower area & i thought they'd went back to bath..

so i took my time.... bathe~ la la la la la~ lu lu lu lu lu~ make up~ comb hair...

i came out, they're still standing there(why are they still statue-ing there).. *big empty blank stare*.. orhh.. so this is bodyguard.... while i was bathing.. the 2 stare at the gangs of 7.. they walk pass.. whatever the story.. but nothing happened in the end.. i'm not fanning them into tension, but damn it.. i was so f-ing grateful that everyone's back in one piece & nothing happened.. zZzZz.. AuntyJulia drive us back to sengkang for dinner & back at home wearing a happy smile~ =)

i know that you're being protective of me.. and i'm very moved about what you both silly boys did.. thank you, dearest.. =)

2008-06-24T17:09:00.004+08:00

What kind of pretty are you?

Wild Child:
No niche could contain your sense of style. Anything goes as long as it makes you feel like a star. You're the one who creates fashion rather than follow it, because you define originality. You definitely make your mark. Everyone would love to have a tenth of the courage you have to pull off the fashion risks you do. But there's only one you, and individuality is very pretty indeed.

How will you die?

You'll die a hero's death:
You'll die upon impact after throwing yourself out of a doomed hot air balloon in an effort to save the world. You're death will be a huge sacrifice and a tragic end. You'll go out of this world with a sense of pride for having fought back, and be remembered as a hero. A holiday will eventually be dedicated to you, and children will eat special cherry candies that spurt red ooze when you bite into them.

What color is your heart?

Your heart is RED HOT.
You are sexy & you know it. You have many acquaintances & lovers, but few real friends. You live for the here & now & seldom worry about the future. You love spontaneity & are willing to try anything once ... or maybe twice..

What will your marriage age be?

You will be married between the ages of 23 and 28.
Once your done with college, you will settle into a career and find your true love! It may even be someone that you went to school with or that you meet at your very first job. Being and love and getting married will be one of the greatest experiences of your life.

What Kind of MONSTER Are You?

You are a ZOMBIE
You are mindless and carefree as you go from one urge to the next. You are instinctual and aggressive, but not necessarily the clearest thinking. Your judgment is often clouded by an innate urge to damage and consume all that is bad for you. You are often an angry drunk. Your sex is wild and aggressive, but often mindless. You like to travel in packs and you have many friends of the same mind-set. You like a good bbq. Increase your zombie points by sharing your status with friends.

THE GIRLFRIEND QUIZ

Clearly your man loves you, but to become more than just the object of his affection, your must show him that you know how to sacrifice and compromise. The only thing you're showing him right now is that you're too much work to be his wife.

...help....... i'm bOred..............

2weeks of hell

2008-06-23T08:43:00.008+08:00

let's flip over to a new chapter & get a kick start.
school finally re-opens today.. and early at 8.44am now, i'm typing this.
these two weeks had been hell for me..

can you believe it?

right after my exam, it's thurs. and while everyone is happily thinking about hovering their subject books across the examination hall literally. i started to panic about the results.. it's always like this, people find it easy, i grumbled that it's hard.. and when i felt easy, they felt elseway.. same goes for attachment; i love it. but i always find people moan.. goodie.. hunnie is there to fetch me home.. he RARELY do that (or he never?).. whatever.. that's comforting enough..

here comes.

6th June: Friday.

we initiated to meet for breakfast coz we've never make it on the time we ought to (ALWAYS!).
coz that whoever fantasies he's in dreamland with, doesn't allows him to get off the bed. how nice i put it huh.. and he fuckingly yell at me when i have to call every shity hours to get this grizzy bear up. who would do until this kinda extend to get pple up to go out, in order to meet on time or to prevent self from flaring further over the already ballooning time he gonna be late. he hang that stupid phone. and i, to come all the way to sengkang to kick him up. i'm already driven to tears and moodless. 12pm++ eat what shit breakfast? he may have found me crying, hoaxed & all. i'm unwilling to let it go, coz the frustration is always there. E V E R Y T I M E ! but strangely, he always put that fire off effortlessly, no matter my determination. & i'm angry at myself for being so lousy.. !#$%^&*@

Sunday: 8th June

we're suppose to meet to sentosa. already prepared for everything; including playing volley (i got ball phobia) which is something outta what i hate & shouldn't be doing. and letting him play with particular some girl who PERSISTENTLY ask him to go and he's ALWAYS on for it no matter our quarrels (tell me who do that?). how cheap can that be? but we didn't go there somehow. a sudden invite to Kungfu Panda with his family at late night ends the day though.

Hell Begins. i shan't elaborate.
the major quarrel or whatever it is occured. (explains my previous entries)
in the verge of snapping up every single minute ticks.

2nd Saturday: 14th June

Got invites from HSA to the zoo.. 2 complimentary entries. saw my indian "husband" with his real gf, Claire, coincidentally.. lol..
this boy wake up 6.45am. tell me he wanna meet 10am. coz he wanna sleep till a later time; 8am. i wanna eat breakfast with the orangutans, by the time meet 10++am the fellows will already be fed.. what shit breakfast is there again. 9.30am he's still blarrdy in bed. pissed. i demand him to cab down. true enough. we met 10.45am. by that time already no breakfast loh.. had kfc and in the restaurant, whoever gets in my way, dies. i can picture myself zwanking everyone down with my fiery anger. saw secondary's junior, Huiqi. i think i'm really hungry; every hungry man is, an angry man, and i'm that. i got better after that. coz i found myself disturbing kiddies, & make faces at them. and bickers with this boy.

can you all believe this picture is taken, with us still haven't picture clear what our status was?
i called that: Bestfriend.

Second Sunday: 15th June.

to bugis with him, his younger brother & his lil sister w/ maid tagging along. watched Hulk. needless to say, late again. walk with them to sim lim sq before i left them for home.

*dark clouds dissolved into nothingness, but there still ain't sunshine in this whole situation*

we can even don't talk. and here comes lightning strike. i tell you, smoking don't solve anything. even if it can lift one from stress. 5 minutes later, you'd fall from "clouds nine" and be slapped back with the original situation. it doesn't change anything to it, but worsen the whole thing instead. only fools would engage in that. & i was to give him 5 days to cease this stupid sudden crave before it come to a complete stop. meanwhile, i was to stop all silly stuffs while he can hurt me with all his words, his shits, his ignorings, EVERYTHING. and smoke his life off with every enjoying sticks (that's the worst). he said he barely even needs 6, but "i take it just because i just feels like to", became 9. he promised he wun take any, after sat. and friday night he said "maybe". how hopeless can that feel? He PROMISED he won't after that night. be my alibi and watchers people.
that night things really went the extreme. and really gone outta track.. i'll skipped that.
things turned a better side..

that night things really went the extreme. and really gone outta track.. i'll skipped that.

things turned a better side..

Third Saturday; 21st June

lil Roxanne's birthday. bought her a big Hello Kitty balloon & a cuddly teddy. no one can imagine how troublesome and big commotion stirred all the way routed to my home and fetch to sengkang by hunnie thereafter. my dear; a grown up guy, carrying big hello kitty. well, i must thank my boy for his effort & going all out. accompany him to Marina Sq for quick lunch before he left for NDP rehearsal.

Third Sunday; 22nd June

finally a happy day i can called after so long. met up with HuanJian, Mastura, SohXiong, BoonChong & JinYan for a movie; Don't mess with the Zohan, & some catching up. everyone's late. poor HJ had a hard time struggling time by.. can see everyone had change much after secondary school. SX's weight dropped so much.. *jawdropping*

6.30pm: me & hunnie left the group to Flyer. i wanna take him there as a pre-celebration of our 28th month. but he find it not worth. so had dinner at Jalepeno's Peppers. food was okae, but the mood was right. we confided lotsa stuffs, teasings & how we feel. i'm glad things are kinda back on track now.

*I'm so glad that we talked that night, heart to heart, side by side.*

2008-06-23T08:36:00.001+08:00

my blog write until this way..

how to continue?

2008-06-17T09:08:00.000+08:00

What I'm trying to say is that
I'm feeling a change and
I'll let it take all over
If you need time away
I won't ask you to stay
But I don't want to lose you.

2008-06-09T14:34:00.000+08:00

东主得了失心疯,

有朝一日再见....

2008-06-09T14:32:00.006+08:00

i just realize, everything happened as i expect.
never have thought it'd be this fast.
if you're reading this, if you know i've always felt alone, and only have you.
you wouldn't have take everything away from me, and make me walk this path myself.

BETTER IN TIME

It's been the longest winter without you,
I didn't know where to turn to.
See somehow I can't forget you,
After all that we've been through.

Go in, come in.
Thought i heard a knock?
Who's there? No one.
Thinking that i deserved it.
Now i realize that i really didn't know.
You didn't notice (YOU MEANT EVERYTHING)
Quickly im learning (To love again)
All i know is, imma be ok.

Thought i couldn't live without you,
It's gonna hurt when it heals to.
It'll all get better in time.
Eventhough i really love you,
I'm gonna smile cause i deserve to.
It'll all get better in time.

How could i turn on the tv..
Without something there to remind me.
Was it all that easy?
To just put aside your feelings?

If i'm dreaming,
don't wanna let, hurt my feelings.
But that's the path, i believe in.
And i know that, time will heal it.
You didn't notice. (What YOU MEANT EVERYTHING)
Quickly im learning. (To love again)
All i know is, imma be ok.

Thought i couldn't live without you,
It's gonna hurt when it heals to.
It'll all get better in time.
Eventhough i really love you,
I'm gonna smile cause i deserve to,
It'll all get better in time.

Since there's no more you&me,
It's time i let you go so i can be free.
And live my life how it should be,
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you!
Yes I will!

Thought i couldn't live without you,
It's gonna hurt when it heals to. (OoOo)
It'll all get better in time.
Eventhough i really love you,
I'm gonna smile cause i deserve to.
Yes i do.
It'll all get better in time.

Thought i couldn't live without you,
It's gonna hurt when it heals to. (Yeah~)
It'll all get better in time.
Eventhough i really love you,
I'm gonna smile cause i deserve to.

今后我只能够把你藏在记忆里了.

photoshoot prank

2008-06-03T10:36:00.002+08:00

i'm under a whole lots of stressed.. stupid exam.. now.. here's some treat for those who's having exam as well.. or are already done with their stress period.. enjoy~ =)

stress out!

2008-05-25T19:03:00.003+08:00

lil bro: 姐, 你喜欢Nurse吗?
me: 不喜欢.
lil bro: 姐, 你喜欢什么?
me: 我喜欢pauL loh..
lil bro: 不是, 我是说你喜欢什么工作?
me: 我喜欢跟pauL在一起的工作loh...
lil bro: 我是说你以后喜欢做什么job lah...
me: 我喜欢以后在他的家做housewife loh.. 我的job..

just trying to annoy him.. wahaha.. but very straight-forward...
but somehow meant what that 小女人 part of me think..
okay.. i'm crazy..
too much upcoming stress factor like practical exam tomorrow..
i'm really going crazy.... zZzZz.... can't take it..

happie anniversary

2008-05-24T00:00:00.000+08:00

WPD interview

2008-05-20T10:41:00.004+08:00

me and gracie exactly last week, at WPD's interview..
this module damn lame..
test your professionalism and your interview skills.. must wear until like OL (Office Ladies)
this week YingYing & Meena's turn & the lower half of the tutorial class.. let's see..

prawning!!

2008-05-18T21:21:00.001+08:00

YAY!!!! we went prawn fishing again!!
this is my catch two wednesday back.. and i love that Big blue prawnie of mine..

went peek-a-boo catching with prawnies..didn't bring home live prawns home.. coz we cooked it on the spot!!

2hrs 20 prawns.. worth it lah!

ermm.. except that most unhooking chores i gotta do for hunnie & john..the last picture of the Evil Pincers with John..all done up!!

my crew behind this scrumptous meal..and this very ferocious looking ASIAN BOY whom everybody loves.i wonder why he didn't smile throughout..

wahh.. my fellow crews arrr.... don't be so fearsome & jumpy when unhooking the prawnies lehh.. so cute lah.. both of them.. i enjoyed myself tthhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssss mmmuuuuuuuuuucccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. coz first! we found a damn good spot to fishing these greedy prawnies.. second!! hunnie taught me a new technique to scope for prawn trails.. third! LOTSA BIG BIG PRAWNS!!! fourth! I totally LOVE Prawn-Fishing.. my new-found hobbies.. =)

2008-05-17T23:49:00.000+08:00

these two days there's been big changes going on in you, i've seen it & i appreciate that alot..
thanks for bringing my hunnie back to me.

=")

2008-05-16T23:36:00.000+08:00

adam's dead.
it's a black black friday for me..

my boy has went somewhere far on his own. leaving Eve leaving his 5 kids, leaving us..
Adam, i too, thank you for bringing me and hunnie together with smiles all these while..
you've really been an obedient boy whom i really adore.. you're my ever fattie bom bom, who doesn't like to exercise and run around.
i realized on that very night i carry your lifeless body, i'm really lost for words.
much emotional exchanges in me, suppressing myself not to cry and to be calm at all times.
i don't know what's the reasons behind your depart, except with a bleeding & punctured left eye i have to ponder about.
from what hunnie expressed in his entry, i hope it's not Eve. i really do.
she's so depressed & upset after that. and isolate herself.
i don't see any reason for her to bite you, if it were to be depriving of oxygen or space.
it's senseless.
would you people bite your partner's eyes in times of crisis? for god sake..
could have been that dreadful glass bowl, that took away my baby. and i hope i know who or what's the culprit.
but i'm really clueless; helpless about your death.
all i could is to keep you in my prayers. lock you in my heart.
Adam, you must learn to be strong and independant now on, if you know what mama's telling you now.
don't gonggong stay there. and if you were to see big cats must run away kae?
remember to get yourself food, but don't eat too much.
lastly, do bide us goodbye if ure really going..

papamama luvs you.

2008-05-15T12:40:00.000+08:00

let's just hope things would change for the better.

give me a light of hope, please.

2008-05-11T22:14:00.003+08:00

Happie MaMa Day, Mummy!
and all the mums eLy know.

i ain't gonna talk much, don't wanna intensify my condition further.

tattered heart.scarred body.dying soul.

2008-05-11T21:59:00.002+08:00

i'm feeling one of my worst this recently.
how's the feeling of having things that you bought for someone, being mistreated?
right in front of you.
i don't think i ever do things this mean to anyone.
i treasure what i had in hands; with respect to the person, with respect to the present.
do you?
even if you doesn't meant to mean it.
how would i feel?
you tore away every single pieces of my heart, with me still breathing hard.
heartbroken by the things you always did mindlessly.

if my thing is treated badly, i'll treat it worst.
i can't bare to see anyone treating it worst when i'm of the better stand to distort it.
and that includes my tattered heart and my scarred body.

if only.

2008-05-09T21:38:00.002+08:00

in this love-hate relationship,
i've been immersed with lotsa pain.
indulged in lotsa sweetness.
simultaneous & alterations of my emotions; worn me out.
i'm tired.
i wish i could just lay down and close my eyes forever.
forget about seeing the most beautiful thing that is to come.
forget about the best event that's yet occur to me.
forget about my dream wedding or even a touching & romantic proposal.
i don't wish to carry on my path down the road.
every steps i took pains me. i fell. i get myself up.
who is there to help?
i kept it quiet. who's there to know?
Love may be blind, to an extent where his/her weakness can be overseen.
and Love on the other hand, may literally be blind,
blind to their already-bleeding love & to their badly-hurt tattered self.
he/she on the other hand, is blind to their partner's need, blind to what they have to face on the other side.
i can't go on..
is this love? or is it mere obligatory relationship?
i don't wanna lugged this feeling along,
i've shouldered enough of everything.
whatever the course, a butterfly can always take it's flight,
so long as it find it's situated in danger or harm to come.
i must learn to be as firm & decisive just as it.

if only i felt understand & loved more, things could have take a different turn.

sentosa coersion

2008-05-05T23:02:00.002+08:00

RISE & SHINE!!!!

monday morning~ shouldn't i be at school?
yeah.. i'm at school what~!
my attendance signed and card tapped by my fellow lovely classmates!
so i'm in a way.. at school.. haha.. shh..
as early as 7+am i'm already at sentosa loh.. walked towards the wrong beach.. but nevertheless.. i had something nice.. =P
my "pontianak" flower as usual.. greeted me beautifully in the morning..

i saw mrs peacock, she's generous enough to stop her busy pace & let me do a close-up shot.. and mr peacock is always on the run.. clucking like a chicken.. stingy turkey.. don't even open up it's fan to show off..
i've never see peacock around the siloso as much as i'm there.. saw him 62541624597 years ago.. up at the tram's bus-stop..

you know it can be very boring to wait and do nothing..yeah yeah yo yo.. wassssupp~!!

got a big big ridiculous dressing down from hunnie.. yes.. very ridiculous.. i just don't wanna make a scene in front of so many guys.. thatx why i just yea...... whateva.. it spoil my day.. ALOT!

oh yea.. cooled down quite fast.. and i saw Ah Fann's Christopher Lee at food court..
and Jessica Liu too.. nah.. they weren't dating.. if not i already make a big hoohaa by now..
they are here to film loh..
he's tann and has the height.. *drools* but given my height.. you think i'd want him meh.. lol..

didn't take photo with them.. neither hunnie & jianyang with them.. they so pushy.. push to you, push to me.. dilly dally..

our sentosa trip ended very chop-chop fast.. they have to book in by 3pm.. so yeah.. he book in and i go back school to buy my pda..

boring..... =(

2008-05-04T22:10:00.001+08:00

went prawn-catching with my hunnie pot!
woohoo!.. totally love it! it's been on my mind weeks back though..
didn't catch much.. coz we've been taking up the rod up and down, on and off, move here and there.. how the prawn gonna take the bait???! i was damn pissed la..
people stay there and wait for greedy prawns to take the bait.. ours can't just stay still..
but just before we went off, i manage to catch one big one..

BUT!

without the rod.. and another small one without the rod too.. heh.. we used net.. or in fact.. i used.. wahaha..
hunnie caught 1 & i caught another 1 with rod.
caught 4.. and take them home alive to show parents my catch before cook it with hunnie..

(-.-")
i think i'll go prawn-catching whenever i'm free la.. brrr...
i think i'm getting the crave again..

*No Pictures! bleahz!!*

EXCLUSIVE

2008-04-28T10:59:00.001+08:00

do i still need to emphasize? that "EXCLUSIVE" word?

Let me tell alluvya..
this was us 2 years ago.

and 1 year ago.

saw that ah beng?

AND! his hair SHAVED!!! wahaha!!

National Day..

Now that his hair are back.. shorter and fresher..

During Our 2nd Anniversary.. one of my favourite picture.. =D

these were some outdated pictures that weren't publicized before.

therefore, it's EXCLUSIVE!!! have the honour. =P

2008-04-27T10:46:00.000+08:00

Isn't it girls' ideal partner, to have him to honour his words and do what he said?

if not, what's A MAN OF HIS WORDS.

BE A MAN, DO THE RIGHT THING.

2008-04-26T08:30:00.000+08:00

everyday, if i could, i'd walk to interchange.
taking transport that'd routed to my school with the least cost.
reaching school earlier than my scheduled time-table..
i do wonder, if my hunnie were to get into school, be it SIM or poly..
would he do that too?
would he spend the minimum each day?
would he spend a pathetic 1.30 on only 1 meal everyday?
or would he have salmon terriyaki rice, western food.. the "good" meals..
or would he take the fastest and most costly transport for he couldn't get up in time,
wasting another, & another lesson without knowing $ is ticking away?
so what if there's a must on waking up early kinda training in army camp?
its been almost a year. be it saturday or sunday, any day where there isn't camp the next day.
he still can't wake up.
alright! let's say he's very tired everyday of 730days. because of army training. (which doesn't makes sense.)
can he prove things would give a different turn after he's outta army?
i doubt so.
good discipline? i doubt so too. or maybe the minimal.
punctuality? what do you guys think?
what's the use of army? a very good excuse for people to get away from situation.

i ain't lack of money. To save, it's still for our usage.
i treasure what i have in hands, do you?

2008-04-25T18:27:00.000+08:00

Surprise Choco from Grace, Meena & YingYing..
For surprising reason..
lol..

share it with class, everyone seem to like it alot though.. i only ate a few and the i'm left with less than quarter of the choco.. didn't really find it nice.. like some normal choco with jelly in there.. but on the whole, i'm neutral to the taste.. it's the heart that counts.. heex.. thanks pals!

Went Jurong Point there after.. i saw the bag i really like lah.. but it's quite expensive.. i usually gauge whether a certain item worth the cost or not.. heh.. end up buying a top for myself..

saw a few familiar faces like Jean & Lin Shee on seperate places, was rather amazed that they are able to remember me or my name after sucha long years.. heh..

ECP

2008-04-20T10:41:00.000+08:00

Saturday
time flies huh.. indeed.. Saturday already..
went class barbecue with hunnie and another Chews - John..

on our way.. hunnie got me my bling bling windmill!! aimed it for a very long while.. =P

tthanks sweetheart! *muackies!*

East Coast Park nothing to do there leh.. except eat & eat & eat..

was expecting a large group of hunnie's secondary school classmates.. there's 8 people.. but! only 4 were classmates-related. Hunnie, LianZhao, Victor & XinHui.. & 4 others were John, Me, XinHui's bf & LianZhao's gf, He Xuan.

had my very first two-man bicycle ride for the whole of my life.. likes the feeling though.. coz it's something i don't have to make my decision.. he'll take the lead.. ;)

i ate quite alot though.. especially with my fave lambchop in my vicinity.. how can it escape? wahahaha..

played cards, me and hunnie lost 2 bucks to LZ.. & before everyone end the game, we just stroll along the moonlite beach.. shimmering with it's light on the surface.. it's really really nice.. i admit, i've never seen sunset or whateva before. but trust me, this is the nicest stuff i knew that would be better than sunset & all.. i don't wanna leave that early though it's already 9.30pm.. haha..

long bus ride with the group, and we're home thereafter.

can i go ECP moon-tann agin?? please please please... =P

2008-04-19T10:17:00.000+08:00

went Sentosa with hunnie after class.
was pissed off with his arrangement. i shan't elaborate. well of coz, with the red words below in the same day entry as evidence, you can see.

yes, i made everyone do the wait eventually. though i reached the earliest.

reached the beach there's no sun.

the trip is suppose to be a just-us-two thingy.. but, since he initiate bringing his friend along, the night before. i just let it go.. coz i understand that he wanna friends' companions, that is something i couldn't give him.. it's not that frequent that he ask anyway.. i just kept quiet..

oh well, both of us are quite a drama over at the beach.. involving unrelated people like 2 angmohs.. haha.. okae.. but i'm to blame la.. i admit.. did spoilt our day though..

and i'm SORRY too, HUNNIE.. i did it coz, hey! i'm not invisible okay.. i ask you to accompany me, end up me being the one all alone, SUNLESS. and you guys just play volley like mad men..

& thanks for initiating your part of blame & ur sorry.. =)

i won't do that again.. i allow another group activity to make up k?
and a good one. i promised. *wink wink*

i gonna wait no more.

2008-04-19T03:05:00.000+08:00

next time when a guy is gravely late for an already informed appointment with a series of wonderful good excuses to shield him from being blamed.

turn things round,

MAKE HIM FUCKING DO THE LONG WAIT!

2008-04-18T10:04:00.000+08:00

Thursday Morning
Hunnie are suppose to meet me up for breakfast..
apparently, this slumber grub are still in bed. i woke him, he sounded very much alert & awake.

so happily, i thought he'd have been ready by the time i'm done prepared. i called numerous times, & it didn't get through. i called his house, his maid mumbled as usual. i thought i pieced out what she said "he's bathing." (she said he's sleeping!)

i thought i might have been too anticipated that i forgot the measurement of time. hadn't i called him at 6.25am? oh well.. maybe he needs more time..

texted grace up.. telling her that i wun be going school for that period, and informed her to conveyed a notice of breakfast treat from miss meera, which i forgotten to tell the class the day before. i thought the event could have flopped for it's such a late notice. that's not the point.

still in a mood of rhapsody, i even morning-walked a good 800m from my residence to lot1.
i called. no answer. i called. a grizzy bear on the line. can someone just give me a very good reason not to flare? bickering start. and i hate the fact that he wounldn't snapped a very sorry right away to simmer down my anger fit.

i mean, come`on. people waited 1hr you're not prepared; in your beauty slumber, skipped morning's class, for your sleep? i was really really mad.
that boy immediately get himself prepared, snatched people's taxi & meet me 9.30 at causeway point, convenience-wise.

good thing he apologized and set me in his embrace to make me feel so much better.
Had McGriddles! eh.. better than Egg McMuffin but it lacks the oozing MapleSyrup i expected it to be. hahaha.. we gobbled up fast & decided to rush for my class which is scheduled to began at 11.was then grace called me up just when i was about to make my entry into Mrt entrance. oh well.. so everyone is having their FREE breakfast at MacDonald King Albert Park.. *oomph*
but her call did ecstasized me up. coz there's no 11am class, for my lecturer went re-service.

damn happie la.. all the way till 2pm no class.

went back to the shopping mall for movies, but it's only available 1pm onwards.. loiter around, play Tekken with him.. and he sent me back to my school for lecture, before going for his NSmen's chalet. i can't imagine a bunch of guys.. =.=

Now that's call a rollercoaster of emotions. tsk..

2008-04-17T09:14:00.000+08:00

hunnie's been a free boy since Wednesday..

Wednesday
he book out rather late.. so just dropped by my house to look at the two newborns of Eve(Who's that?); my pet hamster lo.. never to mentioned the papa hamster's name as Adam.

you know.. Adam&Eve. Adam&Eve. Adam&Eve. made for each other.. lol..

14/04/2008
the work of Adam's libido(again).. -.-"

2008-04-09T09:07:00.000+08:00

Do you ever feel sick of your mundane boring depressing lives?

i am.

bleeding love

2008-04-08T13:26:00.000+08:00

why am i always the one bleeding Love?
looking back at a wonderful boy who used to care so much for.
what has got into you?
you no longer felt the importance of what you had in your hand.
you can abuse anything you like, everything you want.
just stupidly hangup and hit your head to pillow; soundly asleep.
likes being irresponsible with those cold words of urs.
what do you think i am?

2008-04-06T14:09:00.000+08:00

sometimes i just feel like screaming because i think he don't realize how much he means to me, but if he do it just don't feel like the same anymore. i mean damn when i first met him, it felt like cupid smacked me upside my head and was like yeah this is the one. sometimes i wonder if i ever cross his mind at least. it's so hard when you want to talk to them constantly like old times. now it's like i talk to him and i bore him to death with my boring life. alot of times i want to talk to him, but keep my distance and not let him in anymore. lord knows i just want to see him again. i don't know to laugh or to cry about it. someone give me a shoulder, will ya?

i am so sick of crying, but that's all i can do.

ITE visit

2008-04-01T09:38:00.000+08:00

MONDAY MORNING!
okay. thatx not funny.all done up, and prepared to meet hunnie up..accompany hunnie back to Our Old School~
how i missed those days.. =\along with us, another guy.. guess who's it?
(Reveal Later.)

tadaaah~ he got a cheque from HSBC for good progress award.. Proud of you, sweetheart..

i didn't know it worth $300 nowadays..

since when have ITE became so rich... tsktsktsk..

this boy got good progress too.. i was like @!#$%&...

(-.-") i will score scholarship if i graduate with him la.. haha..

It's JingQi la..

i went girls' toilet thereafter, i didn't know Mas Selamat look like that nowadays..

E v o l u t i o n . . .

how artistic ite peeps can be..
ahh.. the canteen... i missed the food too..

and this group of tables too.. well.. my clique should know.. ;) seems a counselling session's been going on..he sat and listen & listen & listen.. (& drink..)

then JQ moved on to me with his bunch of craps..

which explains my ferocious stare.. keke..

well, this may have been the very last visit to where eP started off..

i saw the new CollegeWest that would be situated just one street across my residence..

i supposed this place will tear down when time comes..

can someone organize a revisit before it'd be demolish.. it holds lotsa memories..with our favourite coconut drink tt we drink during the days back then..

only found coincidentally after gotta know each other. =P

i suddenly missed ITE Alot Alot Alot..

& Wendy darLinY..

& Jason..

& Hamzah..

& Jehan..

& JinGui..

& PingZhi..

& HuiXian..

& Yimei.. (Oops.. Did I said Yimei? heex..)

Our Camp Day 1: Geylang Visit

2008-03-29T10:01:00.000+08:00

Literally eloped from my house and went around the whole Singapore as and where we like to be. Oh well.. me and hunnie even explored around Geylang which is very very big.. and i can die from tremendous walks, my biting slippers and pervertized-Cheeko Pehs.. along the Lorong-(even-numbered)streets, road.. whom have eyes that would scanned from your head to toe, and eyes that could speak ("How much? how much?", "the one you're holding looks not bad leh..", "where you get that from..?")

WHATEVER CHEEKOS~!

i did turned back & do an international handsign to one of them; point it up high.. for i really couldn't take it.. i mean.. DAMN! i'm wearing a cap with hair neatly tucked in, Heineken's Bigger-than-girls-L-size Tanktop like most beach boys would wear, a Giodano's men's Bermudas & Flip Flop.. My "front" flattened with sports bra.. how else am i different from a boy? do i need to install banana at the lower body? there's all kinda nationality trades along the road, along the stairs of the bridge & Pubs(whatever they may call..).. dressed scantily & a pretty face waiting for men to grope or oogle at.. i tell you some may be pretty; but had uber pale face, some with thick, white, sponge-thick liked face with colourados palette on their face, have sagged breast and large floats around them; waiting for blind Cheekos fishes to get hooked..

tsktsktsk.. pathetic.. why must they make themselves this way? and the first that have to be bring down at is THE SEXUALLY-DEPRIVED GUYS, THE CHEEKOS, THE MEN WHOM ONLY USED THEIR LOWER BODY TO THINK, AND! BOYS WHOM WANNA SHARPENS THEIR "SKILLS", SO THAT AT LATER PART OF THEIR YEARS THEY COULD GO OVER THEIR UNAWARE PARTNERS/GIRLFRIENDS AND CHEAT THEM OFF THEIR Virginité BY LYING TO THEM THAT IT'S THEIR FIRST TIME WITH YA.. fuck ya..

such kinda LOW-LIFE creatures, i despised.

I've got someone who's like that, & i wouldn't hesitate to bring this scumbag down, to kick his ass as and when i wanted to.. so much so for LYING to that girl.. these kinda people, i'll NEVER look high up to, indeed they've lost my respect TOTALLY..

Let's moooovee on to FOOD. oh my god oh my god.. i had this CLAYPOT KUNGPOW FROG PORRIDGE is superbly nice and delicious.. i've never ate this kinda dish in my 20years of life..

but it delights my tastebuds.. i am longing for more.. CAN ANYONE BRING ME THERE?!

i don't mind treating! *slurp slurp*

JinGui gonna ran after me with a knife.. she adores frog alot.. & gonna make me into KungPow eLyna soon.. =(

Mousie Family.

2008-03-27T12:24:00.000+08:00

the couples arrived at 20th January '08
while hunnie was over at Thailand..
meant to surprise him.. =Ptheir rose-scented sandbath..a lovely home.humble shelter.

& on the early morning of International Women's Day(8th March 08),
i found 3 pcs of meat lying at one corner.it turned out to be a lil surprises from the lil mummy. =)3 lil kiddies.
it could have been 4, had not the 4th one been born half bodied; & already dead.
the body functions could not support it. and it was eaten by parents within hrs.
a pity though..

Day 7, fine lil hairs could be seen around their bodies.
Day 10, they're crawling!
Day 13, they can nibble lil food that is on their tiny hands.
Day 14, lil babies open up their eyes to see the world; i'm more excited than the mother. lolx.

taaadaah~!! this is Day 16! 1 girl & 2 boys.

they can't stay still for a sec. & i do agree they've grown tremendously. =)the PaPathe MaMa.Happie Family!

and i missed Chester too.. =(

MISSING! SINCE 25th February 2007

Past.Present

2008-03-25T16:06:00.000+08:00

Yesterday

i learnt that it takes alot to have faith

to believe that things will work out and not to think deeper than that.

and i am thankful i'm blessed with his faith too.

Today

i learnt not to ask too much

thinking that you just want to have a taste of it

but sometimes you ended up spoiling the whole cake

In the past

I used to talked about love

'I Love You'

aIthough i knew what it means to love someone

but when things happened, i realised there's a little depth in it.

it was too shallow to even brave the slightest wind.

Now.

i knew i'd never speak about love again

at least not when i don't understand.

i've deepened my love again. Thank You so much

2008-03-25T15:53:00.000+08:00

this head-start of the year seemed to be a disease-stricken year.
everyone's not well; either injured or falling ill.
hopefully when summer comes it'd be better!

2008-03-24T20:06:00.000+08:00

wooo... me & hunnie invited!
heh...

smirk.. i've edited.. =P

thanks JinGui~ =D

Love

2008-03-24T15:58:00.000+08:00

Love is always patient & kind.
It is never jealous.

Love is never boastful or conceited.
It's never rude or selfish.
It does not take offense and is not resentful.

Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth.
It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.

A coincidental takeway from my brother's post-it.
Something i'll to do for the ones that i love.

2008-03-17T12:07:00.000+08:00

woohoo! hunnie accompanied me to the IT Show to buy this RED THUMBIE!!!
it costs only $29.90 for 4GB..
reddy reddy~
the other thumbie belongs to my brother.. =)

what is abuse?

2008-03-16T12:11:00.000+08:00

abused.

and badly shakened.

2008-03-14T09:33:00.000+08:00

You..

i used to be afraid of..

this red red face, with big moustache..

goes mad when had too much alcohol..

always goes out with your motorcycle..

that roaring laughter, that unforgettable look; i won't forget..

you often set out early in the morning, and stare at the deep sea..

waiting for your catch, and setting up your bait again..

coming home late in the afternoon & bring home bags of fishing wonders.

that became the wonderful dishes at the later part of the day.

i never stop having that fear of you till my teens.

to think you are not that full of anguish afterall..

i started residing elsewhere & stay with you 2 days out of 5..

i didn't talked much with you though..

whenever you sheltered at my house,

i have that inexplicable feelings that i have to feel..

you never stopped asking me about my boyfriend & all..

and kept a secret to that.

this is something that is very different from my daddy,

he never open up this topic with me before.

u're a very different father, who uses a very different approach on me.

you like to follow my footsteps to wherever i directed you too.

for wherever that i brought you, you are content with it.

i've never came across with such a man before.

and when i started treasuring you,

it's not even few years that you collapsed & get down in ICU.

inhaling oxygen, and grasp for air when the mask slide away.

i can't do anything, but to hear news of u, from what people saw.

it hurts to see you being sent in & out of ICU.

it's just a small clinical diagnosis, it shouldn't be a problem.

but why are you still in there? i don't get it.

grandpa, you are one of the 3 man that i love dearly.

i hope i've got a chance to tell you that,

to see you riding that old motorbike of yours,

to ride me out to buy prata & satays late at night.

to hear your loud & distinctive laughter.

i wanna see you up & well to give me a peck on my cheek.

to hug me close again.

grandpa, please be well.

and i meant every single words.

I miss you.

DHL & Clarity

2008-03-01T17:54:00.000+08:00

Always, we wanna try something new and never been to..

This time, eLynapauL goes up high in the sky..
Our boarding pass..all smiles & ready =)Big Big Balloon..
big big big balloon..Flying, flying & flying..Up we go..picture perfect!and very windy up there.. *grin*the view from above..bye bye bugis~woOoOo..
hunniehunnyAfter we "touch-down", we had one & a half hour of clarity hour at..Lamb Pac Cheri
tomato braised lamb shoulder on a bed of pac cheri pasta
Red Wine Risotto with Scallops

wok-seared scallops on a bed of red wine infused italian arborio rice

Green Tea Frappe
green tea ice-cream smoothieWarm Apple Pie

Attachment Paeds

2008-02-29T20:48:00.000+08:00

Attachment Part I 18/2/08 - 29/2/08

i had made lotsa friends with kids this 2 weeks.. and some of them is really nice la.. haha..

do you know Operating Theatre's Surgeons in KK Hospital Dressed this way?

hip-hop. so cute..

this is one of my patient whom i pity alot alot alot..

his father & mother only come less than two hrs every 2 or 3 days..

& he'd coughed very very hard frequently. that makes his face blood-rush red.

now that's Juwita taking care of him..Bryan, very obedient boy..

now, that's my Sharon (center); my god-daughter..
i know having this kinda god... god... god... thingy is an 'Over' thing for a 19 yr-old like me..
but she's only Sec 1.. what can you say? =)

Goodbye Butterfly-Frenzy.

2008-02-25T20:24:00.000+08:00

Goodbye my Love.

Butterfly-frenzy.blogspot.com

10th August 2005 - 24th February 2008