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Sunday, September 26, 2010


Surprise to see my blog post starts jumping again?
I chanced upon your brother just now, i had serious palpitation. i thought of you. i thought of you everyday actually. i thought of every little bits of what i did for you, what we used to do. i chose all of the songs that's in my list playing right now. i feel so utterly depressed, but no one is here for me. in fact, i pushed everyone's helping hands away. i put up brave front in front of everyone, saying what you did, what happened to all of us over and over again. i tried scolding you bit by bit. but ultimately, what we both did and reacted, i didn't darkened the truth and facts. i am suicidal, i threatens, but who won't to a boyfriend who lies and won't listen. and i must admit, u had me on, you did a very good lying job before you did your final goodbye. 4 years of concentration on this relationship, so much so for a betrayal just like that. who to pity me at the very end of the day? you and candy are now close and together. marcus get over candy and chase after other girls. i'm still left here feeling sad bout us.

we are not meant to be, but we just happened. you were with someone, i'm with someone then. you're not really my kinda ideal partner, but i gave my all since i'm with you. i put in my 100%, i thought i'd yield 100% or more. you were really good back there, and i tried to accept your flaws, your behaviour. slowly, i lost my stand, maybe 80%, maybe 50% or give me a little something. but i can't see much of changes. i saw your few efforts, but i knw you've got a good potential of doing better. i'm not being unreasonable and high hope. but look at now what you can do for her and did for few others? i never really get those didn't i? i never regret when i'm with you, becoz i tried to make the best out of everyday, no matter how shit it was. i never knew getting into a relationship like that is just to head towards a huge set back. because i got to know you as someone not just from day to day physical meetup. i know you from your behaviour, little things that you did, and mainly from the songs you listened; i understands you from within. i really know the one that's inside you, from that shit character you appears to me. but you have already changed, you gave us up. tell me who will ever love you this way that i used to?

i taught you general knowledges, i gifted you your materialistic stuffs and things that you needed but couldn't get yourself. i helped you spent your lonely days and nights away, so long as the stars shine. you're all that matters to me, i gave my friends up, i gave my time away, i defied my family ended up locked outside house, i started cooking and sang without stage fright for you, i stayed up did crafts and all those sillys, i brought you to everywhere and enjoy fine food even if i ended up broke the next few weeks. you're once my bestfriend, confidant, movie and prawning kaki practically my all. who will do that for you? i didn't meant to fall for you just like that, it's every single thing that you did bit by bit that draws me.

you ripped everything away. now i'm left with nothing, i stood on my own. be it days ago your "im really sorry..." message to me meant it or not, or was it meant to someone else and sent to me by accident, i can't care anymore. it should never be just a sorry, it could never have been sorry either. and this entry bout you should never even be here. i'm very sick, just very sick of you texting me up from time to time to prick me with your presence. i'm not ready to meet you, far as i know that chancing upon ur bro already brought me palpitation; it pounds really hard and suppressing. i can't imagine if i were to see you or both u & her together. i'm not ready. and you should just disappear or never exist anywhere around. i hate you, i really do.

1:35 AM

Saturday, September 11, 2010


I’m trying to rub off your scent now
I’m trying to forget your touch now
Why did you have to do this?
I can't believe you were that kind of guy after all...

I'm searching for a life now
I'm meeting friends now
It's clear that you lied
I'm a fool once again
I doubted it was true

Take all those promises
The petty habits, the small memories
I'm burning them
I'm putting you, who lives in me, to sleep
The image of me you've known so far won't exist anymore

In the club with him tonight
I'll give it my all,
just like you were down with that girl first
I'll love easily

See those splendid figures dancing, illuminated by the light
You place your hand on the waist of first girl you see
In the loud club, I call out louder for you
Seems like you can't hear or see anything

Tonight, I'll also forget you for a while
I'll remove all the pictures of you and me on my desk
I'm fed up, I want to get out of here
Why do I remember you over and over again? I’m not okay

Take all those promises
The petty habits, the small memories
I'm burning them
I'm putting you, who lives in me, to sleep
The image of me you've known so far won't exist anymore

When this night passes
I'll be left alone in my room
Shedding tears like a fool
Still seeing you in my dreams
I'm letting you go now
Don't come looking for me again

6:16 PM

Sunday, July 25, 2010



deep down you knew what was true.


4:31 AM

Friday, May 14, 2010


There's a hundred reasons why I cry over you. But you're the reason why I keep fighting for you.
But soon, my reason is burning out.

12:47 AM

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


i think after all the experience and happenings, i suppose this is the ever last comfort and consolation i could ask of someone of 72. i think i can finally 安心的去了吧..

11:22 PM

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


hey there everyone, i'm back from a year of disappearance. Throughout the year there's alot of happenings ard. i've been wanting to blog on-off, wanna rant it out, wanna confide. but i cant seems to type it out here for this blog is almost as good as dead. people might not even stop by and see what you have to say and bother. i'm just a plain-jane, just another role in ppl's life without a hype, easily forgotten and passed off as a friend or some stranger.

yeah, i broke off. got into another relationship and another another, another another another. and back to paul again. throughout this year, what i can say, this is a stormy relationship. but now, it's at it's calming stage. i dunno when will there be another coming. i hope not.

i've been working night and day as a nurse. i fell. had a downfall. made lotsa mistakes. learnt. picked on. and continue working again. got picked on. stood strong but cried in my bed silently. my drive to work isn't the income, isn't those so-called colleagues i could talk easily with, but its the patients. they make me feel like coming to work more, some knew about my complaints, popped me great treats. i brought in return my genuine smile and sincerity. it's the patients who needs me more than my colleagues fakey pleas & requests. i may have generalized too much of everyone in the ward, but i've a few to thanks & feel grateful about. their cheering and concerns, i appreciated alot. they'll know who they are. despite all the mistakes & pick-ons, the more they wanna bring me down, the more i'll strive to stand strong and persist. i wun cry, wun tear, i'll just listen & say whatever i could to fend myself. i'll only need comfort behind closed doors. that's how i've made it till now. =)

a handful admired that i'm strong, some said i'm just thick-skulled, i'd say all you people need is just a pair of ears, not my mouth to explain. i needed just your eyes to see the truth & my effort.

i've been sent to AH Ward 5 now. greatly with thanks to one of the 3-yrs old, i've became the replacement of her to get here. boring discipline, boring patients, boring regimens. if not why would i be blogging here, fbooking there. without have to say, she just finds it too convenient to use her degree as the excuse to stress the nurse manager. i became the easiest scapegoat to aim at next. seriously, i'm barely 1-yr-old when they ask me to go, BARELY 3 WEEKS to start work there later. tsk tsk tsk.. i felt simply it's because she doesn't wanna leave the comfort zone, she seems to enjoy abusing her power and threw her authority at us just becoz she have got that experience and few megre knowledges.

now, i'm stuck with this boring ward. *grumble fumble*
this is how free i am editing my photos now

7:00 PM

Saturday, April 18, 2009


✿♡安靜了♡✿


1:18 PM

Wednesday, April 1, 2009


boyfriend and girlfriend in names. nothing but an empty shell.

He cares for? All kinda late night games only to come back 5am in the morning, smoking, late night fishing but gave himself all kinda reasons to not to bring me. I am worrying, i am sleepless, i am feverish. he doesn't bother. doesnt make him look back and assure me totally.

10:18 PM

Wednesday, March 4, 2009


Katy Perry - Thinking of You

Comparisons are easily done, once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree, I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed

You said move on, where do I go
I guess second best, is all I will know.

Cause when I'm with him, I am thinking of you
Thinking of you, what you would do if
You were the one, who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer, in the middle of winter
Like a hard candy with a surprise center
How do I get better once I've had the best
You said there's tons of fish in the water
So the water's I will test

He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself

Cause when I'm with him, I am thinking of you
Thinking of you, what you would do if
You were the one who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I was looking into your...

You're the best and yes I do regret
How I could let myself let you go
Now the lesson's learnt, I touched it I was burnt
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
Thinking of you, what you would do if
You were the one who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through and bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...




This isn't just lyrics this simple. if only, if only...

5:24 PM

Saturday, January 24, 2009


My trembling hands held myself near tonight.
I thought i could still hear your soft warm whispers in my ear
You said you always love me
And we'd always be together
Promised me your love would last forever.

Is forever longer than always?
It seemed you're more like gone from me now
In my mind I can't find the reason why you didn't stay
Unless forever is longer than always.

in the night like this, when you're lying behind me.
in the night like this, i might be in someone's arm.
lying back to u.
it's not to spike you, maybe such karma may come sooner if u lie further.

5:15 AM

Sunday, January 18, 2009


i just checked the result..
and..............................................

wakao eh... kanasai...


2:15 AM

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


KNS... waste the place only loh... should have put me in.. *angry*
i admitted defeat to Miss November la.. the rest... CMI..

7:30 PM

Thursday, December 4, 2008


maybe i could have save that patient if i really learn more resuscitation stuffs.
early detection of signs of internal bleeding may have save her..
i felt empty when she died.

7:23 PM

Thursday, November 27, 2008


My Fortune Tellin` for today.
You Should Know Who You Are, Boy.

Have A Great Day. *smile*
=)


3:45 PM

Sunday, November 23, 2008


BANZAII Daddy bravo!


All heels to F480 Goldie!


So happy right now.

=)))))

11:32 PM

Thursday, November 20, 2008


ALETHIA! i found HOPE in facebook.. wahahahaha...

12:07 AM

Friday, November 14, 2008


New way to die.. hmm.. what else is there..
SINGAPORE: A Malaysian contract worker died after being attacked by three white tigers at the Singapore Zoo on Thursday.

The worker has been identified as Nordin Bin Montong. Zoo officials said the 32—year—old had jumped into a moat at the white tiger enclave and was subsequently mauled to death by the white tigers.

Police said they received a report at 12.30pm about a man sustaining neck injuries at the zoo. Paramedics were called to the scene and Nordin was pronounced dead at 12.45pm.

Biswajit Guha, assistant director, Singapore Zoo, said: "Prior to the incident, the zookeepers had actually noticed that the contract worker was behaving erratically.

"He was throwing things around and as he was walking out of the zoo, he passed comments like ’Goodbye, you won’t see me again’. He later cycled back and 5 minutes later, the alarm went off."

Nordin had jumped off the ledge into the water and once he was inside the enclave, the three white tigers mauled him for five to ten minutes, while 20 zookeepers tried desperately to save him by distracting the animals.

They were too late, as were the two licensed rifle shooters who were called to the scene.

As a precautionary measure, the white tiger exhibit has been temporarily closed and the 9—year—old tigers, which came from Indonesia, are in confinement for now.

Zoo officials said once the police finish their investigations, they would examine if there is a need to further enhance safety measures.

Singapore Zoo added that it is natural for tigers to pounce on any prey and there is no reason to sedate the animals.

1:15 AM

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


eLy & her Hightlité..

few golden extensions actually. ;P


9:28 PM

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


i find my blog so the not buzzing at all. coz i don't have a stupid camera to get me snap here there to share with everyone around. and i hate getting pictures from people neverendingly, chasing them.. zZzZz.. another thing is i found myself losing interest in lotsa things. be it SHOPPING(yes.. girls like tt..) but nothing seemed to get me into it.. rarely i'd start to take out those pathetic big bucks and spree like no end. i seemed to have lose interest in tt. hOw LaH~~~~!

eat.. i also try not to spend a penny. unless with hunnie.

ahh yes.. where do i get the $$ from.. i got sponsored by SGH just a month ago. i sold my soul to the hospital for two freaking years.. i regret a lil though.. i dunno what else to say now.. just wanna grumble and rant my thoughts here.. to let everyone know tt i'm still ok, not dead.. see u again.. sighz..

7:44 PM

Monday, November 3, 2008


WENDY DARLING~! i've grown hair over a fortnight!
hahahaha..

8:08 PM

Friday, October 24, 2008


Celebrating 32months of anniversary.
Happy Anniversary.

2:11 PM

Thursday, October 23, 2008


If I Were A Boy.


the front part was what beyonce's been thinking.. and how will the guy felt if he's in her shoe.. towards the end, it featured the reality.. the actual think that is happening.. =)







Free Song Lyrics | If I Were A Boy lyrics

in this song, i think it best describe how i wish i could cruelly do it back to you.
i could only think. back to reality, everything's opposite..


12:25 AM

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


Eve, goodbye my darling.
mummy always love you. love the way you always come up to me and kiss me.
love the way you keep hanging onto the metal cage whenever i see you, or whenever i was abt to go out.
you're the prettiest lil girl i ever seen.
i'm sorry for your death. i caused it.
it has been a good 9 months.
but it seemed that we've known each other for so long.
you're ever the first darling that gave birth to so many wonders. i may be busy and neglect you at times, but i know you never give up hope on my next visit.
Adam's gone. so are you.
i missed both of you so much that the rest of your children can't take your place. my dearest.. mummy miss you and love you, do take care, sweetie.

1:14 AM

Saturday, October 18, 2008


forgive me.

10:02 AM

Friday, October 17, 2008


New Cheena-doll hair..
very very cheena..

11:49 PM

Sunday, October 12, 2008


Damaged (Danity Kane)

do, do you got a first aid kit handy?
do, do you know how to patch up a wound, tell me
are, are, are you, are you patient, understanding?
cuz i might need some time to clear the hole in my Y
and i
i tried every remedy and nothing seems to work for me
baby, this situation's driving me crazy
and i really want to be your lady

but the one before you left me so
damaged
, damaged,
i thought that i should let you know
that my Y is
damaged, so damaged
and you can blame the one before
so how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?
how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?[baby, i gotta know]
how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?[what are you gonna do baby]
how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?[baby i gotta know, what are you gonna do]

do, do you got a first aid kit handy?
do, do you know how to patch up a wound tell me,
are, are, are you, are you patient, understanding,
cuz i might need some time to clear the hole on my heart and i
you try to gain my trust, talking is not enough
actions speak louder than words
you gotta show us something
my Y is missing some pieces
i need this puzzle put together again

damaged, damaged
i thought that i should let you know, that my Y is
damaged, so damaged
and you can blame the one before
so how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?[yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah]
how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?[baby you gotta know]

how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?[what are you gonna do]
how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?[baby you gotta know]
[what are you gonna do]

can you fix my H-E-A-R-T?[tell me can you fix my heart]
cuz it's D-A-M-A-G-E-D [don't you know it's damaged]
can you fix my H-E-A-R-T?
tell me are you up for the challenge?

cuz my Y is
damaged, damaged
i thought that i should let you know, that my Y is
damaged, so damaged [don't you know my Y is damaged]
and you can blame the one before [you can blame the one before yeah]
damaged, damaged [oh i'm so damaged]
i thought that i should let you know, that my Y is [thought i should let you know]
damaged, so damaged [oh, oh]
and you can blame the one before
so how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?
how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?[it's that type of pain]
how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?[that you feel deep inside]
how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it? [it's that type of pain that]
how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?[makes you pray, makes you cry]

my Y is damaged, damaged, damaged [but it's going to be alright one day]
my Y is damaged, damaged, damaged
my Y is damaged, damaged, damaged [this too shall pass]
my Y is damaged, damaged, damaged

view in encoding Unicode UTF8

2:04 AM

it's hard when there's a Pauper & a Prince to choose from.
i ain't trying to be some naive kiddies out there.. Prince here & there.. i meant his haughty & egoistic character that only took me for granted.
Pauper may not have anything, may be broken, but he does treasure what he has alot.
but i could only stay still, i don't dare to move a bit.

12:19 AM

Saturday, October 11, 2008


Culprit, bring my smile back.
bring my happiness back to me again.

9:16 AM

Friday, October 10, 2008


i found this on my daddy's phone..for ur entertainment. taken when i'm still 19th.. lol..

12:05 AM

Thursday, October 9, 2008


my blog is getting stale, stagnant, spiderwebs, rusty.. whichever you may call it.. i'm sorry people if my blog are not tt well maintained..

BECAUSE OF BIG GOD DAMN REASONS.. LOtS!

let me update u guys..

my attachment: i've got along well with everyone.. i'm back to ward 53c and 72.

i love 53c's setting.. hope i'd be posted there for coming PRCP(3-4 months of very impt attachment). i'm good with everyone there.

ward 72; i got one word.. BLOODY HELL. ok.. impressively, i survived. we can't do much thing ther, coz it's too specialize in blood related discipline. you know, blood cancer, leukemia, blood disorder.. don't ask me whether is there any catch or not, coz everyone is warded for a reason. lucky enough, all my patients are females and they are exceptionally good with me only when coming to the last week of posting.. had not been for alethia, dhania and jiamin around i guess i'll be eaten up not by staff nurses BUT! that very infamous Jacintha David and Reshmah. that two f-ing bitch born in the year of dog. damn bitchy. make my blood boil only. *grrr* the staff nurses are busy with all their things and could only give us very minimal a& lite job task.. it's not work until very tired, it's too free until we're tt tired. the Nurse Manager - DAMN ON, man... jiamin knows why.. haha..

Depressed: the usual reason with the usual culprit.

FEVERSSSSSsss: i wanna say.. i'm damn scared during the period of my fevers.. that dizzy, headache, nausea, weak and helpless feelings.. i hope that someone would be there for me. he cannot come out tt day. however, on the night itself he could actually come and text me up tt he's going out with friends to volley tml. of all, instead of coming straight for me, to wanna take care of me or bother to visit me for the next day. he chose ENTERTAINMENT AND FUN out there. i'm feeling terrible deep down, inside out. i really dunno what to say. what angered & upset me more is tt, he further tell me about kbox after his volley. where i thought he'd learnt and remedized by looking me up after his freak ball games. the 2nd fever isn't high fever as the 1st, he nv did come though he got good 1hr and a half to get to my place from lot 1, with a slow-eating MacDonald meal pace that is good enough to fit in. he never came only till next day. i really hope someone could give me a good word to explain that hopelessness and feeling i had inside me then.

now.. i'm suspecting i got gastric problems. the kinda pain i dunno how to explain at stomach. it not totally those kinda "AIYO~ AIYO~ I'M DYING...!!" that kinda.. it's tolerable, but weird, but annoying.. for 2days already.. i'm dying soon.. i don't wish to live long anyway..


11:16 PM

Wednesday, October 8, 2008


oh ya one more thing.. j0r...

TAAAADDAAAHHH~!!!(what a big picture! >.<)

She's my AUNT! she's the Champ. that's Yuki.. lol..
basically.. i drop my jaw when she won.. i thought it'd be Freda or Vincent..
to think the night before i watch it, i post tt entry saying tt i dun think she'd win.. oops! heh.. dun tell her.. if not i'll be grab from the neck and stab like one toy bunny by her.. lol..

one last thing.. Sam that main chef/ judge right.. he got buttocks one leh.. very round but to me is very gross.. i like guys without butt..

9:53 PM

Sunday, September 28, 2008


what could everyone think about if i tell you that i and pauL(i really dunno what to call u or us anymore..) are in a room with beds, with air-con and sensual music playing.. both of us lying down, with me considering half-naked in there.. and i tell you, my "first time" is gone like that..

haha.. it's nothing lah... i went for facial for the very FIRST TIME(i forever got alot of first time here and there). can u believe it? i don't like the feeling of letting people meddling with my face or washing my hair in salon though many might say that it's very shiok, very relaxing blah blah blah.. blah blah blah.. very uneasy and ticklish feeling for me.. firstly, thanks to that fella.. i experienced the first face care.. there isn't much difference though.. ok lah.. my face a lil that tad bit smoother.. but i spent another sum on my panda eyes with no apparent difference.. well, but i'm proud to say that we manage to stay firm from a series of "promotions" here there, despite her sticky pestering effort..

had lunch; that cheating bak chor mee with only ONE piece of CHEATER abalone.

prawning time! at khatib. i caught one pathetic prawn and one medium fish. damn.. he set it free after that.. coz i've tough luck in prawning ytd. not on form, you see.. then i put rod at fish's pond i got it leh~ he caught three prawnies. *30 bucks fly away*. after that had steamboat dinner at Queen St. with his dad and younger brother. ate alot of cow's stomach and mutton slices, soup base is nice. with irritating F1 zooming off across the other street.. damn annoying lah..

went F1 track, but the race will only start an hour later.. didn't get to see Lewis Hamilton *love!* zooming by.. went home alone after that.. i did saw Sam Leong! that chef in teevee.. my aunt is inside that cooking show.. one of the female contestant loh.. but i doubt she won.. *sticking out tongue* not trying to bring her down.. but if she won, it'd already be pass around my band of family.. dunno la! see tomorrow's finals loh.. the teevee not showing live anyway..

2:43 PM

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


31st anniversary's rose.
try taking it in a few angle until i captured a nice shot. not tt artistic but to me its already some standard already ok. YOU. YOU. YOU. YOU, YOU, YOU ALL HUH!!! better buy me a camera as pressie.. tsk.. i got no digi camera kae.. it's difficult for me to catch hold of cameras with goody visual functions.. damn...

11:08 PM

Saturday, September 13, 2008


people.
i don't mean to disappear like that.. it's just that i'm going thru attachment, and lotsa unhappy things happens to me at one go.. that's something that dreadfully bad..
my 2 pairs of little ones gave birth to a total of 8 babies. but sadly i've only 4 with me now.. they passed on.. yea.. my "papa" passed on too.. and YOU, you left me just in the times i'm grieving and busy on a whole lot of things, when i'm stressing up and fretting over your persistence in not letting go of others, having flings behind me. among all, you hurt me the most.
i'm depressive everyday, and tell me. who would wait a whole hour for you, hoping a familiar silhoulette would come and pick me up, although i knew you'd never come.
tell me, why would i teared every night when you fail to show up? when what you did, you never felt the rights to care for me more nor did you understand how hurt i am, but to go out late at night to have your fun. my heart is failing me, soon i may follow the steps of cardiac arrest as that dearest "papa" of mine. and i'm losing hairs everyday; more than you could imagine. everyone left, when i'm having these depressive episodes, what good is some bf like you?

if back then, you are talking about starting over and be just what we used to be. i don't think our relationship earlier on, comes with those girls, comes with you texting girls behind me, shielding them instead of me. i don't think that's what we used to have. if that is call that you want me back, you'd have long delete them to prevent us from quarrelling further, since they are always the topics that's between us.

how many of you have really seen the real me when i've put down my mask?

everytime i closed my eyes, it's burning me intensely. it felt as though i've not been closing my eyes for long. then they started to tear, with me trying to look elsewhere to prevent them from falling. and i could only see you having fun out and late at night. you never felt a thing, neither do you felt hurt or sad about it. or in fact, when have you?

i could still be waiting for you to pick me up, right at this time, you know? ="(

2:24 PM

my dearest nanny's husband, whom i dearly called "papa", passed on. 28th Aug, when i was quarreling with pauL late that night. i still can't remember how much he has done for me, everything's so vague. my daddy told me how doting he was, while sending me home, i'd persistently go for those 2ocents kiddy rides along the whole stretch of shophouses. normally, an adult wouldn't have such kinda patience. moreover, he and me isn't blood-related at all, i'm just someone to have him paid to look after, why would he bother to spend on me?
my nanny cried when she saw me, saying there's no more him, there's no more, he wun be around anymore; i held back my tears. she also mentioned how much he cares for me just like a daddy and his lil girl. it's just so painful when i've no recollection at all.
i only remember me hiding whenever my dad come over to pick me up, pretending to be asleep, wishing he'd come only tomorrow. cried whenever my plan foiled and dragged home. i love spending my times there alot alot; with my childhood friend as well.
i remember me sneakily run to the kitchen and play with lil fishes he caught and played with them till they died, squashed them, threw them.. i know i'm a mean lil bratz.
years back, after i moved. i did went back to find them. at one glance, the house is near empty, setting is somewhat still there, but no one's in the house. disappointed about the fact that they could have moved, i set for home. along my way in the shophouses, i saw a familiar face but i wasn't sure if it's him or not, he was talking with his friends, i didn't manage to pick up the courage to come up to him; so afraid that i might get the wrong person. i missed the reunion with him in the end.

i've alot to regret and cry about. i'm sorry that i didn't come up to you when you're alive and well. i'm sorry that i could only come up to you when you're behind that glass pane. i'm sorry that everything's way too late, and i've been too held up. it really hurts and pains me everytime i think of you. thank you for your care, for your patience and for your love. it serves me right to lose you and not remembering what you have done for me. you'll hold a big place in my heart, and i promise, this time i won't forget you anymore.

11:30 AM

Saturday, August 9, 2008


this was last year's NDP celebration.
happy couple it was.then this is this year's. it appears nothing seemed to change.
but it was not.

6:15 PM

Friday, August 8, 2008


so called last day of school @ Alumni.
My Dear Classmates =)


Absent were Theinesh, Bazilah and Ash. tsktsktsk..


10:09 PM

there such a drastic change, that i dunno how to react to it.
it's definitely not change for the better.
but more like the starting line to the coming situation i might not be able to handle, near future.
i don't know what to do okae..
i can only stay aside and get scared.

1:29 PM

Monday, July 28, 2008


Happie Birthday Hunnie dearest!!

11:44 PM

Sunday, July 27, 2008


My boy is turning 20.. and yikes.. time did passed really fast.. knew him like when he's 17? now's freaking 20 sounded so old.. wasn't really much prepared for this turning 20-yr-old phases.. it feels as if i'm still 18 yrs old.. oh well.. both of us are 2os now.. i just dunno what would be installed for us over coming decade we gotta have. well.. just hope it'd be a smooth sailing one.. i'll be working like one busy shit nurse.. he'd be studying with guys and pretty babes around his so called SIM.. which i don't think most girls went there for the sake of plain studying you know.. it's more like showcasing of their fashion (nope.. nothing about talents), flaunting their richie status, and acting bimbo around. i've been in NP & SIM compound simultaneously for 3 yrs. i know how to see.. well, push those bimbos aside. there's not really a total crate of rotten apples. i did see nerdies and really strive to work hard people around. oh well.. let's hope he wun be hooking up some pests around then.

11:18 PM

Thursday, July 24, 2008





9:54 AM

♫ ♫ ♪♥..U leave me breathless...♫ ♫ ♪♥
You're everything good in my life
U.. leave me breathless... ♪♥
I still can't believe that you're mine
U just walked out of one of my dreams..♫ ♫ ♪♥
So beautiful you're leaving me... ♪♥
♫ ♫ ♪♥ ..Breathless...♫ ♫ ♪♥


i may not have tell you. this song somehow brings me back to those days we used to shared. and i do treasure that alot.. trying desperately to find it back.. i was very secured back then, a very cheery and happy girl i am.. that kinda feeling i really missed.. reminds everything of you and the exact feeling i portray and tryna tell you.. so i guess this song has finally come and speak my heart. =)

oh well.. on a lighter note, this singer.. shayne ward.. i've been crazy over him for like.. months(not even a bit dread).. starting from this song.. that voice, captured and mesmerized me hardcore.. and when i see this mtv... wOoOoOo..................... i fell deeper into this heart-racing thingy with swirl.. @.@

sexy guy with beautiful green eyes and captivating voice.. heaven~ wOohOo!!
yes, i'm breathless..

9:00 AM

Tuesday, July 22, 2008


Nothing but an empty vessel right now.
define my feeling.

9:23 AM

Monday, July 21, 2008


"True Love does not come by finding the perfect person,



but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."


all while i've tried to do it, and to believe that you are perfect. not for anyone but for me. the ever first impression of you, you have to maintain much as you could. not just slacken down when you've got me. Often deep down you know there's greener grasses on the other side, but you never felt the threat. but instead, try pushing me to anyone.
why couldn't you feel that what you held in your hand is precious & fragile?



5:40 PM

Friday, July 11, 2008


dear peepos..


i wanna say thank you to those who bother to wait for the clock to strike twelve & greeted this small role in your life. and those who surprised me with your sms, never have thought you would. those who give me all sorts of extravagant sms(s), who called in for concerns & willing to lend a listening ears. asking me out for a meal. days earlier or a day late greetings, it's still implies that you people cares. those who made a simple sms different. those who greeted me face to face, hugs, firm handshakes, BIG birthday song, "unique candle". i love it all.

i don't know how some of you remember, be it thru friendster, blog, facebook, friends, draw a big circle in your calender, create an alert on your phone, really remember it, tattoo on your skin. i am thankful for that effort. you all have in a way been value-added in my heart as friends i must keep.

Lastly, thank you hunnie. you are my dearest sweetheart i ever had. though it may be one of the not-so-happy birthday i had. still i must thank you all these years for standing by me as the biggest pressie. thank you for that lovely lil pearl pendant that you knew i am dying to have one. if not it wun have been of the almost the same kinda design i wore on my day(telepathy). I Love You, Hunnie! *huGgs & smooches*

these are all the belovables lovelies..
Hunnie (Mr Paul Chew TY)
Leona
Joreen (JG)
Eugene
Anna
Suraj (Mandy)
KokSeng
DaJie
Taz
Meena
YingYing
Asheta
SiokKuan
Alethia
Esther
Meijie
Hmone (Momo)
Leonice
Azri
Theinesh
Grace Cham
Joyce
Pambi
Penguin
Edwin
ChinSiang
the lady who scouted me for modelling(thanks, i finally met someone who shares the same bdae as i do.)
YongHong
Sharon de Silva
Andre
Crispen
Huan Jian
ZiChee
Wendy
Jehan

(in the order of sequence)

4:39 PM

Thursday, July 10, 2008


Part I.
my birthday.. tsk.. i do not know how to say..
i got drunk a day before my birthday.. anyone knows it?
not even hunnie.
when people thought i've left early from school to meet him up for a lil pre-celebration so called.
apparently quite disappointing, i binged in 1 bottle of coke and 2 Baron's Strong Brew Extra. knock-out.
no one understand the situation i'm in.
right to my room, and i slammed my head onto my bed for warmth & comfort.
i held onto my phone and hope the moment i open up my eyes, it's him who come for me.
a little special sms, or even a call when it striked twelve.
2.38am. i woke up to my message alert.
it's eugene 12.15am. anna dear 12.19am. suraj 12.35am. no calls.
i slept with a sunken heart.
6.11am he messaged. a very simple "Happy 20th Birthday, Hunny."
this is all i got. something which i can even do better than that.
KokSeng, DaJie, Pambi, Penguin, Edwin, Andre, HuanJian & a few sms follows later after.
not to forget ChinSiang & YongHong's call-in. (already the very least expected people)
to school then went out with him.
the day ends off with his birthday sms.

"Happy bithday to you. Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to eLy, happy birthday to you.
Happy Birthday girl. Enjoy your 20th birthday."

then zc, wendy, then jehan.

is that my birthday which just zoomed by?


i really hate my birthday this year.

2:48 PM

Part II
while in school before meetup with him, taz give me a very big warmth hug right when she see me. then meena, yingying and SK's greetings. alethia sang a very big birthday song that ends up everyone singing it at lift floorings. waited for 2nd lift as the 1st are packed with other people.. apparently they looked very shocked when the moment the lift opened and we are singing birthday song.. the song goes on and on in repetition with a faster singing each time. blushed & touched though.

More than half the tutorial grp, over at Alumni House. and taz asked me a qn about the new Magnum icecream's flavour & whether have i tried it not... blah blah blah.. after finishing our lunch, my indian husband theinesh and azri walked in with a brownie topped with icecream flavour i preferred(thanks to my impish taz). all the way from megabites(435987426169 metres). everyone sang the nicest birthday song, tagging along are some extras over at tables nearby. it's been a very long time so many people sang it to me. sweetest cake & very "unique" candle huh, azri? an inexplicable happiness & very moved by what they've done.

headed back to school for project filming, tag along for the sake of burning my time for the meetup at 3pm with him @Marina Sq. was scouted by modelling company (like again..). i reached early by 15minutes. but ended up suffering 15minutes more when he eventually meet me up 5pm. at that point of time, i feel like corporating with bomb specialist & blow myself up in as minced & bloody as i could. tell me how not to be angry?? worst, he don't even say a sorry.

to Pariss, chose white wine & settled down at a very quiet corner with food galore. he presented me a limited piece of pearl necklace(i don't like diamonds like what most girls do, i love pearl). much similar to the one i'm wearing from yesterday's shopping kills i bought. quite dumbfounded but not that surprised as i wanted one, centuries ago. but i do appreciate that he remembers & FINALLY(after 28months) give me a necklace. BUT! does anyone believe 8hrs out there the day before & getting late for hours before meeting the birthday girl up with a pearl necklace? i think it can be up next for 'Incredible Tales'.

unglam eating thereafter. and he got whoozy a little.. blabbering alot of things. alot of things to talk, bout this bout that.. didn't see him like that before.. & he sent me home, right to my doorsteps. i'm not exactly that esctatic, on the whole i feel alright, suppressing that sadder side of me. but i really dislike this year's birthday.

next year, it's 21st. something that really holds alot of hope on. be it the beginning of another stage of my life(adulthood), key to hardcore freedom, R21. the very significant year. i just want it to be alot better than this mess this year. something that i never had before. i need to feel that "it's the bestest birthday ever" feeling. do come back to this entry next year. and see what's fufilled & a least disappointed girl i am.



eLy

signed off..

1:39 PM

Tuesday, July 8, 2008


yesterday.. i found myself stained in blood.. the feeling of blood dripping down.. a part of me, but no longer mine.. devastated & crying.. it's not the site that hurt.. but rather my heart.. next.. i'm cleaning the scene.. to just make sure no one knows or found what happened to me.. at that point of time, i really wish my whole room will be flooded with my blood..

& i woke up 2.35am.. my surrounding is dark and quiet.. there's no blood around, i wasn't cleaning anything but holding onto my bloster.. it felt as if i've slept a very long time.. thinking back, i really do not know what's with me.. the blood and suicide sttempt.. i hope someone can decode this dream/nightmare of mine..

10:55 AM

Dave Teo gets 9 years jail term & 18 strokes of cane.

and yeap.. this guy is going jail.. he's on the news everywhere today.. somehow when everyone is saying that he deserved it & all.. i kinda feel sorry for him. my sympathy.. he may have committed a grave mistake for intending to kill his girlfriend, and the sentences to jail him is rather appropriate.. but the caning part came a little bit too harsh.. a teenager to bear 18 strokes.. it gonna hurt alot.. both physically and mentally.. the lost of best years of his life he could have, the lost of his freedom, the lost of his love, the lost of everything.. from the papers, i learnt of his past.. his poor brother (his nearest kin) whom he lost years back.. his heavy gambler mother who would often hit them whenever she lost money, father who's kept behind bars as well, for drugtrafficking.. & grandma who died not long after his arrest last year.. it isn't easy for a 20yrs old like me to go thru all these if i am dave myself.. a very complicated family..

now he's gonna go in there.. an even sadded things to have.. just because of this girl..

Crystal(Thank god i didn't chose this name 10yrs ago..) Liew, the ex-girlfriend of his broke up with him 5 months back.. suggested the breakup though she said it pains her to initiate coz dave had been VERY RESTRICTING towards her getting together with her circle of friends and guys around her.. ABUSIVE verbally and physically too, i heard.. i mean.. true lahh.. if i'm in her shoe i'd have that breaking up idea too.. but to part a 3 years ++ relationship from boyfriend to another guy girl, sound very ridiculous.. of coz dave fused into this madness.. aiiyahh.. whatever the case.. i read [here] & [here] and found that i've got this Crystal Liew's syndrome.. alot of similarity here there.. but let's just hope that my name won't surface in headlines like that.. tsk....

poor fella.. dave, hope you're not gonna spiral down into trouble further.. this is a valuable lesson to take.. do make yourself a better person in there. everything can be started afresh.. do not let your family, or relatives down.. nor do you let the Justice Tay's hope on you be diminished.. less than a decade later, you can still continue your steps from there.. things are never to late to start from inside jail. good luck. =)

ps: i don't know him at all..

{Crystal Liew}
{Kervon Lim} -> Crystal's Lesbo gf


8:12 AM

Thursday, July 3, 2008


suddenly.. i felt time passed a hell lot fast.. i thought my day was just few months ago.. shit man...
and i've alot of things i want very suddenly.. and i kept expecting things every year, but always in dismay.. no one's to blame, coz i never tell anyone.. yeap! don't bother about this entry.. it's very random and rubbishy..
and shit my birthday.. projects, assignments and whatever.. school is out to play me out.. sighz...

7:28 PM

Welcome!


eLy luRves pauL-

It's Me


Ngee Ann Poly
Health Science(Nursing)
Singapore
Cancerian
10th of July 88

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