Sunday, September 28, 2008
what could everyone think about if i tell you that i and pauL(i really dunno what to call u or us anymore..) are in a room with beds, with air-con and sensual music playing.. both of us lying down, with me considering half-naked in there.. and i tell you, my "first time" is gone like that..
haha.. it's nothing lah... i went for facial for the very FIRST TIME(i forever got alot of first time here and there). can u believe it? i don't like the feeling of letting people meddling with my face or washing my hair in salon though many might say that it's very shiok, very relaxing blah blah blah.. blah blah blah.. very uneasy and ticklish feeling for me.. firstly, thanks to that fella.. i experienced the first face care.. there isn't much difference though.. ok lah.. my face a lil that tad bit smoother.. but i spent another sum on my panda eyes with no apparent difference.. well, but i'm proud to say that we manage to stay firm from a series of "promotions" here there, despite her sticky pestering effort..
had lunch; that cheating bak chor mee with only ONE piece of CHEATER abalone.
prawning time! at khatib. i caught one pathetic prawn and one medium fish. damn.. he set it free after that.. coz i've tough luck in prawning ytd. not on form, you see.. then i put rod at fish's pond i got it leh~ he caught three prawnies. *30 bucks fly away*. after that had steamboat dinner at Queen St. with his dad and younger brother. ate alot of cow's stomach and mutton slices, soup base is nice. with irritating F1 zooming off across the other street.. damn annoying lah..
went F1 track, but the race will only start an hour later.. didn't get to see Lewis Hamilton *love!* zooming by.. went home alone after that.. i did saw Sam Leong! that chef in teevee.. my aunt is inside that cooking show.. one of the female contestant loh.. but i doubt she won.. *sticking out tongue* not trying to bring her down.. but if she won, it'd already be pass around my band of family.. dunno la! see tomorrow's finals loh.. the teevee not showing live anyway..
2:43 PM
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
31st anniversary's rose.
try taking it in a few angle until i captured a nice shot. not tt artistic but to me its already some standard already ok. YOU. YOU. YOU. YOU, YOU, YOU ALL HUH!!! better buy me a camera as pressie.. tsk.. i got no digi camera kae.. it's difficult for me to catch hold of cameras with goody visual functions.. damn...
11:08 PM
Saturday, September 13, 2008
people.
i don't mean to disappear like that.. it's just that i'm going thru attachment, and lotsa unhappy things happens to me at one go.. that's something that dreadfully bad..
my 2 pairs of little ones gave birth to a total of 8 babies. but sadly i've only 4 with me now.. they passed on.. yea.. my "papa" passed on too.. and YOU, you left me just in the times i'm grieving and busy on a whole lot of things, when i'm stressing up and fretting over your persistence in not letting go of others, having flings behind me. among all, you hurt me the most.
i'm depressive everyday, and tell me. who would wait a whole hour for you, hoping a familiar silhoulette would come and pick me up, although i knew you'd never come.
tell me, why would i teared every night when you fail to show up? when what you did, you never felt the rights to care for me more nor did you understand how hurt i am, but to go out late at night to have your fun. my heart is failing me, soon i may follow the steps of cardiac arrest as that dearest "papa" of mine. and i'm losing hairs everyday; more than you could imagine. everyone left, when i'm having these depressive episodes, what good is some bf like you?
if back then, you are talking about starting over and be just what we used to be. i don't think our relationship earlier on, comes with those girls, comes with you texting girls behind me, shielding them instead of me. i don't think that's what we used to have. if that is call that you want me back, you'd have long delete them to prevent us from quarrelling further, since they are always the topics that's between us.
how many of you have really seen the real me when i've put down my mask?
everytime i closed my eyes, it's burning me intensely. it felt as though i've not been closing my eyes for long. then they started to tear, with me trying to look elsewhere to prevent them from falling. and i could only see you having fun out and late at night. you never felt a thing, neither do you felt hurt or sad about it. or in fact, when have you?
i could still be waiting for you to pick me up, right at this time, you know? ="(
2:24 PM
my dearest nanny's husband, whom i dearly called "papa", passed on. 28th Aug, when i was quarreling with pauL late that night. i still can't remember how much he has done for me, everything's so vague. my daddy told me how doting he was, while sending me home, i'd persistently go for those 2ocents kiddy rides along the whole stretch of shophouses. normally, an adult wouldn't have such kinda patience. moreover, he and me isn't blood-related at all, i'm just someone to have him paid to look after, why would he bother to spend on me?
my nanny cried when she saw me, saying there's no more him, there's no more, he wun be around anymore; i held back my tears. she also mentioned how much he cares for me just like a daddy and his lil girl. it's just so painful when i've no recollection at all.
i only remember me hiding whenever my dad come over to pick me up, pretending to be asleep, wishing he'd come only tomorrow. cried whenever my plan foiled and dragged home. i love spending my times there alot alot; with my childhood friend as well.
i remember me sneakily run to the kitchen and play with lil fishes he caught and played with them till they died, squashed them, threw them.. i know i'm a mean lil bratz.
years back, after i moved. i did went back to find them. at one glance, the house is near empty, setting is somewhat still there, but no one's in the house. disappointed about the fact that they could have moved, i set for home. along my way in the shophouses, i saw a familiar face but i wasn't sure if it's him or not, he was talking with his friends, i didn't manage to pick up the courage to come up to him; so afraid that i might get the wrong person. i missed the reunion with him in the end.
i've alot to regret and cry about. i'm sorry that i didn't come up to you when you're alive and well. i'm sorry that i could only come up to you when you're behind that glass pane. i'm sorry that everything's way too late, and i've been too held up. it really hurts and pains me everytime i think of you. thank you for your care, for your patience and for your love. it serves me right to lose you and not remembering what you have done for me. you'll hold a big place in my heart, and i promise, this time i won't forget you anymore.
11:30 AM
