Sunday, September 26, 2010
Surprise to see my blog post starts jumping again?
I chanced upon your brother just now, i had serious palpitation. i thought of you. i thought of you everyday actually. i thought of every little bits of what i did for you, what we used to do. i chose all of the songs that's in my list playing right now. i feel so utterly depressed, but no one is here for me. in fact, i pushed everyone's helping hands away. i put up brave front in front of everyone, saying what you did, what happened to all of us over and over again. i tried scolding you bit by bit. but ultimately, what we both did and reacted, i didn't darkened the truth and facts. i am suicidal, i threatens, but who won't to a boyfriend who lies and won't listen. and i must admit, u had me on, you did a very good lying job before you did your final goodbye. 4 years of concentration on this relationship, so much so for a betrayal just like that. who to pity me at the very end of the day? you and candy are now close and together. marcus get over candy and chase after other girls. i'm still left here feeling sad bout us.
we are not meant to be, but we just happened. you were with someone, i'm with someone then. you're not really my kinda ideal partner, but i gave my all since i'm with you. i put in my 100%, i thought i'd yield 100% or more. you were really good back there, and i tried to accept your flaws, your behaviour. slowly, i lost my stand, maybe 80%, maybe 50% or give me a little something. but i can't see much of changes. i saw your few efforts, but i knw you've got a good potential of doing better. i'm not being unreasonable and high hope. but look at now what you can do for her and did for few others? i never really get those didn't i? i never regret when i'm with you, becoz i tried to make the best out of everyday, no matter how shit it was. i never knew getting into a relationship like that is just to head towards a huge set back. because i got to know you as someone not just from day to day physical meetup. i know you from your behaviour, little things that you did, and mainly from the songs you listened; i understands you from within. i really know the one that's inside you, from that shit character you appears to me. but you have already changed, you gave us up. tell me who will ever love you this way that i used to?
i taught you general knowledges, i gifted you your materialistic stuffs and things that you needed but couldn't get yourself. i helped you spent your lonely days and nights away, so long as the stars shine. you're all that matters to me, i gave my friends up, i gave my time away, i defied my family ended up locked outside house, i started cooking and sang without stage fright for you, i stayed up did crafts and all those sillys, i brought you to everywhere and enjoy fine food even if i ended up broke the next few weeks. you're once my bestfriend, confidant, movie and prawning kaki practically my all. who will do that for you? i didn't meant to fall for you just like that, it's every single thing that you did bit by bit that draws me.
you ripped everything away. now i'm left with nothing, i stood on my own. be it days ago your "im really sorry..." message to me meant it or not, or was it meant to someone else and sent to me by accident, i can't care anymore. it should never be just a sorry, it could never have been sorry either. and this entry bout you should never even be here. i'm very sick, just very sick of you texting me up from time to time to prick me with your presence. i'm not ready to meet you, far as i know that chancing upon ur bro already brought me palpitation; it pounds really hard and suppressing. i can't imagine if i were to see you or both u & her together. i'm not ready. and you should just disappear or never exist anywhere around. i hate you, i really do.
1:35 AM
Saturday, September 11, 2010
I’m trying to rub off your scent now
I’m trying to forget your touch now
Why did you have to do this?
I can't believe you were that kind of guy after all...
I'm searching for a life now
I'm meeting friends now
It's clear that you lied
I'm a fool once again
I doubted it was true
Take all those promises
The petty habits, the small memories
I'm burning them
I'm putting you, who lives in me, to sleep
The image of me you've known so far won't exist anymore
In the club with him tonight
I'll give it my all,
just like you were down with that girl first
I'll love easily
See those splendid figures dancing, illuminated by the light
You place your hand on the waist of first girl you see
In the loud club, I call out louder for you
Seems like you can't hear or see anything
Tonight, I'll also forget you for a while
I'll remove all the pictures of you and me on my desk
I'm fed up, I want to get out of here
Why do I remember you over and over again? I’m not okay
Take all those promises
The petty habits, the small memories
I'm burning them
I'm putting you, who lives in me, to sleep
The image of me you've known so far won't exist anymore
When this night passes
I'll be left alone in my room
Shedding tears like a fool
Still seeing you in my dreams
I'm letting you go now
Don't come looking for me again
6:16 PM
